"Sharing Light in the Darkness," December 19, 2025

Sharing Light in the Darkness

In the 1990’s, there was a children’s show on the Nickelodeon Network that our children and we loved, called Are You Afraid of the Dark? One thing that made the show special was that it was just scary enough, without being terrifying. We find ourselves thinking about that show now as we in the Northern Hemisphere approach the darkest night of the year. There is a lot of fear, a lot of scary things happening in the world, things that can seem dark and overwhelming at times.

As therapists, we find ourselves invited into so many conversations these days about how can one find and how can one be light in the midst of the very real darkness we are seeing in the world.

Fortunately, we are not the first people to encounter this struggle. Each of the world’s spiritual traditions offers wisdom on finding hope, love, and peace—light—in the midst of the darkness of suffering, injustice, and violence.

A few years ago, we lost power in our house for several days due to an ice storm. As disruptive as that experience was, we discovered a lesson that has stayed with us. We discovered the difference a single candle can make in a pitch-black room. This experience has stayed with us, especially during difficult times when tragedy strikes our communities or violence erupts in our world. Like many of us, we sometimes feel overwhelmed by the darkness around us, uncertain where to turn or what to do. But then we remember the difference that one small candle, one small light can make.

There's an old saying: "It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness." For us now, lighting one candle means doing something kind and loving for someone else—some act of service that brings a small amount of light into their world and, little by little, helps brighten our world as a whole.

Here's what's remarkable about sharing light: when you have a lit candle and reach out to light someone else's candle, it in no way diminishes your own light. Unlike money or material resources, we can share the light of hope, love, and kindness with countless others, and still have own light which can continue to burn just as brightly.

As we celebrate the upcoming holidays, may we all commit to being candles of light, spreading love and kindness to all we encounter. The darkness is real and powerful, but the power of love and light is greater still.

Making It Personal:

1. When have you experienced someone lighting a candle of hope for you during a dark time? How did their act of kindness change your perspective or situation?

2. What small act of love or service could you offer this week to bring light into someone else's world?

3. What helps you remember that sharing your light with others doesn't diminish your own? How might this understanding change the way you approach generosity this season?

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-12 minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page. In this week’s episode you will learn about a unique new way you can interact with the Wellness Compass Podcast that includes recording an audio message that might appear on a future episode.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"The Spirit (and Neuroscience) of Generosity," December 12, 2025

The Spirit (and Neuroscience) of Generosity

The holidays are a time for gift giving and generosity. Nonprofits receive more donations of both money and volunteer hours this time of year than at any other time. With that in mind, we offer a few thoughts on practicing generosity—not just during the holidays, but all year long.

Our Brains Are Wired for Generosity

The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, in their book entitled The Book of Joy, remind us that generosity is fundamental by saying the following,  "Generosity is so important in all of the world's religions because it no doubt expresses a fundamental aspect of our interdependence and our need for one another. Generosity was so important for our survival that the reward centers of our brain light up as strongly when we give as when we receive, sometimes even more so.”  Modern neuroscience confirms this ancient wisdom. We are literally hardwired for generosity.Our Gifts Can Go Beyond the Material

While material gifts can be meaningful, many of the most significant forms of generosity often cost nothing. The gift of presence—truly listening to someone who needs to be heard—activate our neural reward pathways. So does offering forgiveness, sharing a burden, or bearing witness to another's joy or pain. These exchanges of care create the web of interdependence that sustains us.

Hospitality Can Be a Gift

A friend recently shared a formative memory. Every Christmas, her parents invited people they knew who were alone to join them for dinner—someone from work, a neighbor, someone from church. She said those experiences taught her more about the meaning of the holidays than any material gift she ever received.

Generosity Transforms Hearts

How the Grinch Stole Christmas and A Christmas Carol are beloved because both the Grinch and Scrooge are transformed by embracing joy and generosity. Hearts that were two sizes too small become enlarged.

This holiday season, let’s commit to practicing generosity in all its forms as we give warmth freely, receive graciously, and notice how both nourish our connections with others.

Making It Personal:

1. Think of a time when someone offered you the gift of their presence—truly listening or simply staying with you through something difficult. What made that moment meaningful?   How did it feel?

2. Like the Grinch or Scrooge, where in your life right now might you be resisting generosity (think time, attention, forgiveness, or resources)? What would it feel like if you worked so that part of your heart grew larger?

3. If you were to create your own ritual of generosity—whether during holidays or throughout the year—what would it look like? Who might you include, and what would you want others to feel from witnessing this practice?

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-12 minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page. In this week’s episode you will learn about a unique new way you can interact with the Wellness Compass Podcast that includes recording an audio message that might appear on a future episode.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"The Power of Enough: Finding Contentment in a Culture of More," December 5, 2025

The Power of Enough: Finding Contentment in a Culture of More

TWe live in a culture that constantly tells us that we need more, especially as we approach the holidays. More success, more possessions, more activities, more social media likes, more achievements, more of everything. We don't know about you, but the constant striving leaves us exhausted, anxious, and spiritually depleted. There is another choice, though. We can embrace a different mindset, one we call the power of "enough." Here are four thoughts on what the power of "enough" looks like and how we can embrace it. 

How the mindset of "never enough" negatively impacts our mental health. The psychology of scarcity can have a significant impact on our well-being. We end up feeling like we never have enough or that we never are enough. We also start to believe that everyone else seems to have "enough," or at least more than what we have. It's so easy to find ourselves on the treadmill of never enough that we don't even realize that we are on it. 

We are all familiar with the story of the half a glass of water and the question of whether it is half full or half empty. A third option is that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. In this metaphor, the glass represents our desires to have more. Once we learn to scale down the size of our desires, we will experience more fullness with what we already have. 

Chasing after external validation ultimately leaves us feeling empty. Wisdom teachers across traditions remind us that we're already complete, already beloved, already whole. When we chase external validation to fill an internal void, we're looking in the wrong direction. All religions teach that a life of meaning and happiness isn't based on an abundance of possessions and offer invitations to recognize the fullness already present in this moment and in what we already have.

There are things we can do each day to cultivate the belief that we already have enough. Here are a few ideas. Begin and/or end each day with a simple moment of gratitude.  Pause and be thankful. Sit quietly and notice what's already here: your breath, a roof over your head, the beauty of nature, and the kindness of others. When you notice the desire for "more" arising, pause and ask: "What if I already have enough? What if I already am enough?" 

Living from abundance rather than scarcity is a choice we need to make continuously. When we're not desperately grasping for more, we can live from genuine appreciation rather than anxious striving. We can give more generously, rest more deeply, and love more freely.

The power of "enough" isn't about having less—it's about being more present, more peaceful, and more content.

Making It Personal:

Does the holiday season create stress around not having enough or feeling not enough? Reflect on specific areas—work, relationships, possessions, achievements—where you feel the pull of "more." What does this striving cost you emotionally and spiritually?

What would change in your daily life if you truly believed, "I am enough," and "I have enough"? 

When have you experienced a moment of genuine contentment—a time when you felt delighted with what was present? What conditions made that possible? How might you cultivate more of those conditions in your life, especially during this holiday season?

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-12 minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page. In this week’s episode you will learn about a unique new way you can interact with the Wellness Compass Podcast that includes recording an audio message that might appear on a future episode.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Beyond Thank You: Four Insights About Gratitude from an Unexpected Vista," November 21, 2025

Beyond Thank You: Four Insights About Gratitude from an Unexpected Vista

The two of us went on a hike the other day. It was a beautiful late Wisconsin fall day. We had chosen a large state protected area we'd never explored before, and as we switchbacked up a ridge, we had no idea we were about to experience gratitude in its truest form.

Turned around at the top, we were overwhelmed with the unexpected view we now had looking out over the Wisconsin River. The sun was hitting the river at just the perfect angle causing the flowing water to glisten magnificently. Without a word being said we both stopped in our tracks and silently breathed in the view. After a minute both of us declared how grateful we were to be there to enjoy the special moment. Standing still for a moment, our bodies had minds of their own and knew the appropriate response to that experience of overwhelming gratitude.

As we continued our hike, we found ourselves appreciating people we would never meet—the conservationists who fought to protect that land, the trail builders who carved those switchbacks, the park staff who maintain the paths. Our moment of beauty and gratitude was made possible by countless others who cared enough to preserve this place.

As Thanksgiving approaches, we keep thinking about our hike and what it taught us about deeper understanding of gratitude. Here are four insights we're carrying forward:

1. Real gratitude is embodied, not just intellectual. It moves through our whole being—physical, emotional, and spiritual. When gratitude is genuine, it shows up in our bodies, not just our minds. Watch for those moments when thankfulness moves you to stop, gesture, to extend a hand, or to offer a touch that physically expresses what words alone cannot capture.

2. Gratitude emerges from wonder and awe. While it’s important to teach children to say “thank you,” gratitude is much more than good manners or something we “should" express.  Authentic gratitude comes from being thankful for the sheer gift of existence, for beauty we didn't create, and for the shared good of people known and unknown to us.   It's about letting ourselves be humbled by moments that remind us how extraordinary ordinary life can be.

3. Gratitude reveals our profound interconnectedness. Almost nothing we experience comes from our efforts alone. When we trace backward from any moment of joy or beauty, we discover countless hands—seen and unseen—that made it possible. We live within an intricate web of giving and receiving that stretches across time and space.

4. Gratitude inspires us to share. When we recognize how our experiences depend on others' care and commitment, we're inspired to become those people for others. Gratitude isn't passive—it awakens us to our role as both recipients and stewards. Metaphorically, what trails do we want to build for others?

We wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving and hope that you may find your own moments where wonder breaks through the ordinary and gratitude rises spontaneously.

Making It Personal:

1. When has gratitude moved through your whole being—not just your mind? Describe a moment when thankfulness expressed itself physically. What does it feel like when you experience authentic gratitude versus polite thank-yous?

2. Recall a recent moment of wonder or awe. How did that experience connect you to something larger than yourself? Did that experience inspire gratitude in you?

3. Choose one thing you're grateful for this Thanksgiving. Trace the web of interconnection backward: Who made this possible? Whose work, whose love, whose choices? How does seeing this network of interdependence enhance your feeling of gratitude?

We will be traveling for Thanksgiving, and so our column and podcast will return in two weeks.

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-12 minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page. In this week’s episode you will learn about a unique new way you can interact with the Wellness Compass Podcast that includes recording an audio message that might appear on a future episode.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Awe, Mystery, and the Northern Lights: Nature's Gift to Our Well-Being," November 14, 2025

Awe, Mystery, and the Northern Lights: Nature's Gift to Our Well-Being

This week, something extraordinary happened. People across the Northern Hemisphere stopped in their tracks, looked up at the night sky, and collectively whispered, "Whoa." The Northern Lights danced across skies where they rarely appear, and for a few precious moments, we remembered what it means to be truly awestruck.

The aurora borealis is more than just a spectacular show—it provides a powerful reminder of how awe and mystery contribute to our mental health and overall well-being.

Awe Calms Our Nervous System

Dr. Dacher Keltner (author of Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life) writes that experiencing awe has tremendous health benefits, including calming our nervous system and triggering the release of oxytocin, the "love" hormone that promotes trust and bonding. If we were fortunate enough to gaze at the Northern Lights this week, our bodies weren't just witnessing beauty—they were receiving a dose of natural medicine. The vastness of the aurora helped momentarily quiet our anxious minds and reminded us that we are part of something much larger than our daily worries and stresses.

Awe Pulls Us Out of Our Small Stories

When we encounter something as mysterious and magnificent as the Northern Lights, we're given a break from our usual preoccupations. We don't have to overthink anything; we only have to witness what we are experiencing.. This experience of mystery shifts our perspective from the narrow concerns of our individual lives to a broader, more transcendent awareness. In those moments, the stresses that felt overwhelming just minutes before seem to find their proper proportion.

Slowing Down to Notice Creates Space for Wonder

The Northern Lights required us to stop. To slow down. To step outside and look up. This mirrors what children do naturally—they stop in their tracks to examine a caterpillar or watch a bird, their whole face lighting up as they shout, "Whoaaaaaaaaa!" If you look up the word whoa in the dictionary, you will see that one of its meanings is to slow down or stop, as in the command a rider gives to a horse. 

The spiritual dimension of well-being depends on our willingness to pause long enough to notice the "whoa moments" that surround us. Whether it's a celestial phenomenon or a small everyday miracle, we must be present to receive them. 

Witnessing Awe Can Bring Us Together

Perhaps the most beautiful aspect of this week's aurora display was how it became a collective experience. People texted photos to friends, gathered in groups to watch, and shared their wonder on social media. One friend even shared how joyful it was to see so many of their neighbors gathering in the street, dressed in their pajamas. 

Awe doesn't just benefit us individually—it bonds us together. When we acknowledge life's profound mysteries together, we remember our common humanity and our shared capacity for reverence.

As we return to our daily routines, the Northern Lights can continue to remind us that cultivating our capacity for awe isn't a nice extra—it's essential to our well-being. 

We can strengthen our capacity for awe by paying attention, practicing mindfulness, and choosing to notice the moments of beauty and mystery that surround us every day. The universe is constantly offering us "whoa moments." The question is: Are we willing to slow down long enough to notice them?

Making It Personal

1.Think about a recent time when you experienced profound awe—perhaps the Northern Lights, a sunset, or something that stopped you in your tracks. What did you see and feel? How did your body respond? What worries fell away in that moment?

2. Children naturally stop to marvel at small wonders. What prevents you from experiencing life this way? What would it take to create more space in your daily life to slow down and notice moments of beauty and mystery?

3. Dr. Keltner suggests that our ability to experience awe can be strengthened through practice. Looking at the week ahead, where might you intentionally create opportunities to encounter mystery and wonder? Choose one specific practice you'll commit to this week.

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-12 minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page. In this week’s episode you will learn about a unique new way you can interact with the Wellness Compass Podcast that includes recording an audio message that might appear on a future episode.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Taking Time to Reset," November 7, 2025

Taking Time to Reset

Having just reset our clocks this week, we know that this simple adjustment—moving backward by a single hour—can change our entire rhythm. For some, the change was not a big deal; for others, it is still affecting their sleep schedules (or those of their kids or pets). But here's the good news: within a few days, most of us recalibrate and adapt.

This semi-annual ritual reminds us that the power of a small reset can change our perspectives. When we consciously shift our perspectives, we can transform our experience of life just as dramatically as changing our experience of the sun rising and setting.

Small Shifts Can Create Big Changes

The key is recognizing that our perspectives are a choice. When we feel stuck, we often think our external situation must change before we can feel different. But what if the "reset" we need isn't in our circumstances but in how we're looking at them? A relationship conflict might shift when we stop asking "who's wrong?" and start asking "what does this relationship need?"

We have all had the experience of negatively judging someone's behavior, and then shifting our reaction from judgment to compassion when our perspective changed with additional information about why a person is acting the way they are. 

Perspective Shapes Experience More Than Facts Do

Two people can experience the same time change and have entirely different perspectives. One embraces the earlier sunrise while the other curses the earlier sunset. Another person is irritated because they believe the government should end daylight saving time altogether. 

Our brains are meaning-making machines, constantly interpreting and narrating our lives. Two people receive the same email from their boss that offers constructive feedback. One person finds the email helpful and motivating. The other finds it demoralizing and shaming. All of our experiences are filtered through our perspective. It's been said that we don't see things as they are, but often we see them as we are. This is why checking out our perspectives with others can be helpful, rather than assuming they are always accurate and useful. 

Resistance to Resetting Keeps Us Stuck

Mindset, a popular bestselling book by Carol Dweck, outlines the crucial difference between a fixed and a growth mindset. A growth mindset is characterized by an openness to changing and resetting our views and perspectives. A fixed mindset is just what it sounds like—its motto is, "but I/we have always done it this way." Resistance to resetting our perspectives rarely serves us well, and almost always impedes growth. 

In our world today, changing one's perspective is often seen as a weakness. Nothing could be further from the truth. As we grow and mature and gain new information and experiences, it is only natural for our perspectives to shift. And even if the shift is slight, like a ship changing its bearing just a few degrees, that small change will create a larger shift over time.

Readjusting Is an Ongoing Practice

We don't reset our clocks once in a lifetime. Similarly, perspective shifts aren't one-time events but ongoing practices. Our go-to viewpoints reassert themselves, old patterns return, and we need to consciously see if it's time to readjust again and again.

This isn't failure—it's being human. The practice is in noticing when we've drifted back into unhelpful perspectives and gently adjusting our compass. Each time we do this, we strengthen our ability to shift. We become more fluid, more resilient, more capable of meeting life's challenges with creativity, rather than rigidity. 

Making It Personal:

1. Where in your life have you been holding a fixed mindset that could benefit from greater openness to growth? What slight shift could you make this week?

2. Think of a situation where you are harshly judging a friend, family member, or colleague's behavior. Might a shift in perspective open you to softening your judgment and feeling empathy or compassion? 

3. Can you think of a time when shifting your perspective regarding how you viewed yourself, a situation, and/or another person created an opportunity for moving from being stuck to experiencing new possibilities? What can you learn from that?

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-12 minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page. In this week’s episode you will learn about a unique new way you can interact with the Wellness Compass Podcast that includes recording an audio message that might appear on a future episode.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

" What the Day of the Dead Teaches Us About Emotional and Family Wellness," October 31, 2025

What the Day of the Dead Teaches Us About Emotional and Family Wellness

While Americans are having fun celebrating Halloween this week, other countries around the world, especially in Mexico and Latin America, will be celebrating El Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead). Our love for Mexico is immense, as we have traveled there many times for both fun and service projects. In honor of El Día de los Muertos, we are going to share four wellness compass points we can all learn from this centuries-old tradition, which provides guidance for living with loss and strengthening family bonds.

Grief Doesn't Have an Expiration Date

Modern culture often treats grief as something we are supposed to get over—we're expected to "move on" or find "closure" within socially acceptable timeframes. Day of the Dead rituals cultivate a very different relationship with death. By creating tables in the home filled with photos, favorite foods, and cherished objects of loved ones who have passed away, families acknowledge that love doesn't end at death. Research on grief now affirms that maintaining connections with deceased loved ones is healthy and adaptive. Setting a place at the table, cooking grandmother's recipe, or simply speaking to those we've lost isn't denial—it's integration. This tradition normalizes ongoing relationships with the dead, removing the shame many feel when grief continues to be felt long after the loss.

Collective Remembering Heals Isolation

Grief can be profoundly lonely, especially in cultures where discussing death feels taboo. Day of the Dead traditions transform mourning from private suffering into communal celebration. Families and friends gather in cemeteries, not with somber silence but with music, food, and storytelling, normalizing everyone's pain while reminding us we're not alone in it. Sharing memories, laughing through tears, and sometimes resolving conflicting stories about complicated relatives can help ease the pain, as everyone is allowed to express sadness openly.

We Can Hold Joy and Sorrow Simultaneously

Perhaps the most striking aspect of El Día de los Muertos is its refusal to make grief only somber, as the day is also a fiesta of celebration. This isn't minimizing loss but rather honoring the fullness of life, including its ending. Families laugh while remembering funny quirks of the deceased, celebrate their loves and passions, and acknowledge their humanity with both fondness and honesty. It teaches that healing doesn't mean forgetting, and remembering doesn't require constant sorrow.

Rituals Provide Structure for Difficult Emotions

Grief often feels overwhelming because it's formless. Day of the Dead traditions offer concrete actions: gathering flowers, preparing specific foods, visiting the cemetery, and arranging an altar with reminders and possessions of the loved one. These rituals create containers for big emotions, making them more manageable. Creating annual traditions around remembrance gives families something to do with their love and longing, transforming passive sadness into active honoring.

As we navigate the losses in our own lives, El Día de los Muertos reminds us that the healthiest approach to loss and death isn't avoidance but integration—weaving our loved ones into our ongoing story with both tears and laughter.

Making It Personal

1. Have you ever felt pressure to "move on" from a loss or difficult emotion before you were ready? What would it look like to give yourself permission to grieve without a timeline?

2. Think of someone you've lost who still influences your life. What are the small ways you continue to honor or maintain a connection with them? How does keeping their memory alive bring you comfort or guidance?

3. What ritual or concrete action could you create to honor someone you've lost or to process difficult emotions? This could be cooking a special meal, visiting a meaningful place, or creating a small tradition. How might having this structure help contain and express what feels overwhelming?

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-12 minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page. In this week’s episode you will learn about a unique new way you can interact with the Wellness Compass Podcast that includes recording an audio message that might appear on a future episode.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Making the Problem the Problem, Not the Person," October 24, 2025

Making the Problem the Problem, Not the Person

We've all been there: a conflict starts small—maybe it's about whose turn it is to handle the dishes or a disagreement about something important you're planning together—and suddenly you're no longer discussing the actual issue. Instead, you're blaming each other for being difficult or stubborn. The conversation has shifted from the problem itself to attacking the other person. This only leads to hurt feelings and damaged relationships, with little progress on actually resolving the challenge at hand.

Here are four "compass points" to help us all work together on challenges we are facing, rather than turning against each other.

The problem is separate from the people working on it.

When we're frustrated or stressed, it's natural to want someone to blame. Our partner didn't take out the trash again, so we label them "irresponsible." Our friend is never as punctual as we are, so we label them as "uncaring" or "absent-minded." The moment we make this shift, we've stopped being companions working toward a solution and have become opponents in a battle neither of us can win.

Focusing on the problem creates constructive solutions; blaming people creates defensiveness.

When someone feels attacked, their brain goes into protection mode—they're no longer thinking about solving the issue; they're thinking about defending themselves or counterattacking.

Consider a group of volunteers planning an event for a nonprofit. Half want a large event with a big budget, while the other half want something smaller and less expensive. They can frame this two ways: "Those people are spendthrifts who don't care about our finances" versus "Those people are tightwads too afraid to take risks." Or they could say: "The problem is that we haven't yet come up with a plan that has buy-in from all of us. Let's keep talking and find a recommendation that honors what each of us values.”

Empathy helps us remember that a person's identity is separate from their thoughts and behaviors.

Well-intentioned people often disagree. That doesn't make one person "good" and the other "bad." When we remember this, everyone's dignity remains intact—no one is being labeled or attacked. This means creative problem-solving becomes possible because defensive walls come down, and relationships strengthen because you're reminded you're on the same side.

Sometimes behavior needs to be directly addressed—but still without making the person the problem.

If someone close to us has a drinking problem, for instance, we need to address that behavior directly. But we have a choice in how we approach it. Attacking them and labeling them as an alcoholic is unlikely to help. More effective would be: "We've talked many times about the impact alcohol is having on our life together, and each time it leads to a blowup. I don't like how angry we both get. How about we go together to talk to a professional to help us find a way forward?" Here, the problem is the alcohol and the conflict it creates in their life, not the person.

Making it Personal:

1. Are you stuck in a conflict cycle where you or others are attacking and defending rather than collaborating? How might you shift the focus back to the problem?

2. How does it feel when someone makes you the problem rather than addressing the issue? How might this awareness change your approach?

3. The next time conflict arises, commit to keeping the focus on the problem—not on labeling people.

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-12 minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page. In this week’s episode you will learn about a unique new way you can interact with the Wellness Compass Podcast that includes recording an audio message that might appear on a future episode.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Our Need for Different Kinds of Rest," October 17, 2025

Our Need for Different Kinds of Rest

Our Wellness Compass Initiative is a holistic approach to wellness. With that in mind, we offer four "Compass Points" that speak to multiple dimensions of rest, as well as help us become aware of our inner attitudes about the role of rest in our lives.

1. Physical Rest: It's not just about enough sleep

There are numerous studies on the connection between various diseases and chronic sleep deprivation. "I'll sleep when I'm dead" takes on a new meaning when we fool ourselves into thinking we can ignore the biological basis of needing adequate sleep. Not getting enough sleep affects our mental health and our relationships, too. Irritability is just one symptom of low sleep. Beyond sleep, we will also benefit from restorative practices that nurture our physical well-being, such as walks (when possible), stretching, and yoga.  We only get one body to live in. Being sure it gets enough rest and renewal is essential to our overall well-being.  

2. Mental Rest: Reducing Cognitive Overload

Our minds process thousands of thoughts daily, and the constant demands of decision-making, problem-solving, and listening to or scrolling through the news of the day can create excessive mental fatigue.  Restorative practices for mental exhaustion can include taking a break from the news for a while, making time for meditation, spending time outdoors in nature, or listening to music. When our mind feels foggy or we struggle to concentrate, we are not being lazy—we are experiencing mental exhaustion that requires rest and renewal.

3. Emotional Rest: Permission to Be Authentic and Practice Self-Care

Two primary causes of emotional exhaustion are caregiving for others and being constantly "on" for others, where we don't feel safe expressing our true feelings; instead, we present a facade. Emotional rest can be found when we can balance caregiving with self-care, recognizing that self-care is not selfish. Rest also comes when we have safe spaces—whether it's with trusted friends or family, or perhaps a therapist — where we can drop our masks and authentically share all our emotions.  

4. Become Aware of Our Mindset Regarding the Importance of Rest 

We live in a culture obsessed with busyness, where we are more like human doings than human beings. It hasn’t always been so. Ancient cultures prioritized the importance of sabbath time. At Wellness Compass, we often discuss becoming more aware of the many compasses that guide our habits and behavior—often outside of our conscious awareness. Busyness and an over-identification with achievement and action are inner compasses that sometimes minimize or even ridicule the importance of rest. Being tired much of the time can even be seen as a badge of honor in many circles.  Therefore, it is essential that we surface our own deeper attitudes about rest and recognize that in our fast-paced world, prioritizing rest and self-care may feel counter-cultural. Making this counter-cultural choice, though, is essential to our overall well-being.  

Making it Personal:

1. As you read points 1-3, is there an area of rest that could benefit from your attention at this time?

2. If so, what's one thing you can do in the day or week to experience some rest in that area of wellness?

3. Reading point 4, are you aware of any attitudes or biases you have about the importance of rest?  

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-12 minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page. In this week’s episode you will learn about a unique new way you can interact with the Wellness Compass Podcast that includes recording an audio message that might appear on a future episode.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Transcending the Limits of Either-Or Thinking" October 10, 2025

Transcending the Limits of Either-Or Thinking

In our counseling practices, we often hear clients express their struggles in absolute terms. “I’m either a complete success or a total failure.” “My relationship is either perfect or it’s over.” “I’m either productive or I’m lazy.” This pattern, known as either-or thinking, can significantly impact our emotional, relational, and spiritual well-being. Here are four Wellness Compass points about this cognitive trap and how to move beyond it.

1. Either-Or Thinking Creates Unnecessary Distress

When we force ourselves, others, and situations into rigid categories, we set ourselves up for suffering. A single mistake can become evidence of complete incompetence. One disagreement with a partner can signal doom for the relationship. A rest day means we’ve lost all discipline. This binary lens intensifies anxiety and depression, creating a constant state of evaluation where we’re perpetually sorting experiences into “good” or “bad” boxes. The most significant problem with this thinking is that it creates little room for the messy, complicated middle ground where most of life actually happens.

2. Notice Absolute Language

We often talk with our clients about the importance of awareness and intention. The first step toward change is awareness. When we catch ourselves thinking in extremes, we can pause and ask: “What else might be true here?” A disappointing work presentation doesn’t make us incompetent; it makes us someone who had an off day and is still learning. We can be frustrated with someone we love, and still love them deeply. We can allow ourselves to remain open to learning about a key issue, and not view it as a weakness if we change our minds as we gain more knowledge and experience. 

3. Recognize That Growth Happens in the Gray Zone

Chances are that we have all experienced a time when we made a change or decision and later changed our mind. If we are locked into either-or thinking, we might lose the flexibility to change our minds or admit that we were wrong. The “gray zone” is the space between polar opposites. The gray zone is often where we remain open to learning and growing, where we are neither wholly lost nor fully arrived. This is actually where the most meaningful growth occurs. Accepting this reality helps us remain patient and curious, rather than judgmental, during the learning process.

4. Embrace Paradox and “Both-And” Awareness

Life is full of contradictions, and holding multiple truths simultaneously is a sign of psychological maturity, not weakness. You can feel grateful for what you have while still wanting things to improve. You can be both anxious and hopeful, tired and committed, imperfect and amazing, confused and clear, vulnerable and strong. The goal is, of course, not to eliminate all either-or thinking but to recognize when that kind of thinking is limiting us. By expanding our perspective to include the vast spectrum between extremes, we create space for self-compassion, new insights, resilience, and a more authentic relationship with ourselves and others.

 Questions for Making it Personal

1. Can you identify a recent time when you were caught up in either-or thinking that was limiting for you or your relationship with someone?

2. If you affirmatively answered question one, what steps can you take to soften that either-or thinking? What might you replace it with?

3. How comfortable are you with the concept of being in the gray zone—the place where you are still learning and growing? Are you willing to acknowledge when you don’t know something or when you were wrong about something?

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-12 minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page. In this week’s episode you will learn about a unique new way you can interact with the Wellness Compass Podcast that includes recording an audio message that might appear on a future episode.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Four Quotes to Inspire Us From Dr. Jane Goodall," October 3, 2025

A Few Things We Can Learn From Dr. Jane Goodall

Each of our four Wellness Compass Points this week is a quote from scientist Dr. Jane Goodall, who passed away this week at the age of ninety-one. She will be remembered for many things, but probably most often for the way her scientific curiosity and her work with chimpanzees in the forests of Gombe remind us of the interconnectedness of all life. As therapists who think and practice systemically, we are especially grateful for her teachings about how all of life is an interconnected web and that every action we take in the world has a profound impact on all beings. 

1. “The greatest danger to our future is apathy.”

“Am I really making a positive difference in the world?” is a question that any of us may ask ourselves from time to time. There is a lot that needs our attention in our personal and collective lives, and it is easy to feel overwhelmed. The opposite of apathy is hope—not naive optimism, but a disciplined choice to keep showing up as a force for good in the world. 

2. “Lasting change is a series of compromises. And compromise is all right, as long as your values don’t change.”

Too often, compromise is viewed as a sign of weakness.  Remembering that we are all interconnected with all other living organisms helps us realize that compromise is always necessary to achieve the greater good. There is almost always more that unites than divides us. Note that her quote does not ask us to compromise our core values, but to hold true to them with kindness, humility, and respect. None of us possesses all the wisdom. 

3. “What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.”

During the pandemic, we wrote about how the question wasn’t Are we contagious?” but rather “What are we contagious with?” Our emotional and spiritual energy is always contagious to those we interact with—either positively or negatively. We all make a difference —the question is, “What kind of difference do we want to make in the world?”.

4. “You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference.”

Here, Dr. Goodall reminds us always to be aware of the impact our actions and words have on ourselves and those around us. This quote brings to mind two quotes from our Wellness Compass Initiative: “The grass is greener where you water it,” and “Whatever we pay attention to, is what will grow.”

Three Questions for Making It Personal

1. Does one of these quotes particularly speak to you? If so, why, and what might you do to put the wisdom of that quote into action?

2. Do you struggle with apathy? If so, what’s one thing you can do to help you recover a sense of hope? 

3. Is there a situation in your life right now where an openness to compromise might serve the greater good?

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-12 minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page. In this week’s episode you will learn about a unique new way you can interact with the Wellness Compass Podcast that includes recording an audio message that might appear on a future episode.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Wellness Wisdom for Everyone from the Twelve Steps: Celebrating Recovery Month," September 26, 2025

Wellness Wisdom for Everyone from the Twelve Steps: Celebrating Recovery Month

In recognition of September being National Recovery Month, we are pleased to share four Wellness Compass Points that offer wellness wisdom for everyone, drawing on the traditions of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-Step recovery groups.

Four Wellness Compass Points & Three Questions

1. Whether dealing with addiction, excessive worrying, perfectionism, or any self-limiting set of behaviors, the wisdom of the Twelve Steps teaches us that some challenges cannot be solved alone. Actually, the first step towards making change is acknowledging our need for help from others and from our spirituality. 

2. The practice of daily self-reflection and honest accountability, central to the Steps, can transform any area of life by helping us recognize harmful patterns, before they spiral, and then to celebrate progress as it happens.

3. Making direct amends for our mistakes reminds us that true healing comes through changed actions and the rebuilding of trust, not just good intentions or words.

4. The principle of service to others who face similar struggles (Step #12) reveals a fundamental truth about human nature – that we often find our deepest sense of purpose and most successful recovery when we focus on lifting up those who are facing similar challenges.

3 Questions to Make This Personal

If you or someone you know is in recovery, what broader life lessons have you learned form them or have they modeled for you?

Is there a change you want to make that would benefit from the  support of others?

If so, how will you find this support?

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-12 minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page. In this week’s episode you will learn about a unique new way you can interact with the Wellness Compass Podcast that includes recording an audio message that might appear on a future episode.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Emotional Flooding: Four Compass Points & Three Questions," September 19, 2025

Emotional Flooding

Four Wellness Compass Points

and Three Questions

Psychologist and author John Gottman describes emotional flooding as “a sensation of feeling psychologically and physically overwhelmed during conflict, making it virtually impossible to have a productive, problem-solving discussion.”

Here are Four Compass Points to help guide us when this happens.

1. Everyone gets emotionally flooded from time to time, so it's essential to recognize the warning signs when this is happening to us. Pay attention to physical cues like rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, muscle tension, or feeling hot. Notice emotional signs like racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, or the urge to react, retaliate, or get even. When you catch these early signals, you can intervene before reaching full emotional overwhelm. Remember that emotional flooding is a natural response to powerful feelings, stress, or trauma—it's not a sign of weakness.

2. Hit the pause button. While we can't always control when our emotions take over, we do have the choice to pause rather than react. When we feel intensity building, we can stop and slow down. We don't have to immediately say what we are thinking or feeling—or send that email, or create that social media post. We can pause by taking a walk, sleeping on it, talking with others, or spending time doing whatever helps us to calm down. 

3. Take responsibility for yourself, rather than blaming others. A classic response of a young child when they have done something they regret is, "but they did it first!" Let's be more mature than that. If someone throws a lit match at us, we are responsible for any gasoline inside of us that leads to an explosion. While someone else may have done something that triggers our emotional flooding, we are responsible for how we handle ourselves at that moment.

4. Saying, "I'm sorry," can be an expression of strength. Impulsive reactions while we are flooded do not come from a place of strength, and yet they happen. Apologizing and making amends when we have said or done things we regret is a sign of strength and a commitment to our ongoing emotional growth.

Making This Personal: 3 Questions

Just as a compass helps us to check our bearings and see if we are on the course we intend, these questions invite us to make these thoughts about emotional flooding personal for each of us. 

1. Have you recently experienced emotional flooding? 

2. If so, how satisfied are you with how you handled it? 

3. Is there anything you learned from your recent experience, or from these four Compass Points, that you want to put into practice going forward? 

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-12 minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page. In this week’s episode you will learn about a unique new way you can interact with the Wellness Compass Podcast that includes recording an audio message that might appear on a future episode.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Navigating Transitions," September 12, 2025

Navigating Transitions

Welcome back to season five of the Wellness Compass Column and Podcast. We are glad to be back with you. 

Fall is a time of transitions, and we have one of our own to share with you regarding the structure of this column. Just as a compass has four points, our new format will feature four essential points of wisdom each week on a different wellness or mental health topic. We think you will find this new structure easier to remember and more practical for application in your life. What remains the same is our mission of our overall non-profit Wellness Compass Initiative, now in its eighteenth year: to enhance mental health and resilience in individuals, families, schools, organizations, and communities. As always, we welcome your feedback and suggestions for future topics you would like to see addressed. 

And speaking of transitions, our first column and podcast for this season offers four points for navigating transitions with greater awareness and intention. Whether you or someone else is navigating the transition of being back in the school routine, or any of a myriad of other changes —such as a job change, a move, coping with loss or a death, adjusting to a new health reality, or a change in a relationship —we hope you find these four points helpful. 

Four Points for Navigating a Transition

1. Normalize and accept the feelings of vulnerability and uncertainty that come with transitions--our own and others. The bigger the change, the deeper the feelings, and the longer the adjustment will take. Don't rush the process of adapting to the change or loss.

2. Relationships tend to be tender during transitions. Resist acting out or projecting your feelings onto others when you are in the midst of change. 

3. Small daily practices, such as morning routines, regular exercise, mindfulness/meditation, and consistent sleep schedules, can provide stability and comfort when life feels uncertain or in flux.

4. Seeking support from friends, family, and professionals during transitions is a sign of strength, as they can help you process emotions and gain perspective.

Making It Personal

Do any of these points speak to you regarding a transition you are navigating? If so, what might you want to do in the near future to make your transition easier for you?

Do you know someone who is in the midst of a transition that could use your support? How specifically could you support them?

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-12 minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page. In this week’s episode you will learn about a unique new way you can interact with the Wellness Compass Podcast that includes recording an audio message that might appear on a future episode.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"ASAP: As Slow As Possible," May 23, 2025

ASAP: As Slow As Possible

As we prepare to transition to summer, many people look forward to two things: more time outdoors and a slower rhythm of life. If you are a regular reader/listener of our weekly column and podcast, you know we take a break from producing this content between Memorial Day and Labor Day. We do this so that we, too, can spend more time outdoors and live our lives at a slower pace.

When we recently came across several creative versions of the well-known phrase ASAP (see box above), we posted them on our refrigerator to serve as a compass for how we intend to enjoy this coming summer. All of these are reminders that there is more to life than hurrying. And we have been fun creating our own versions, too.

In our fast-paced, always "on" world, hurrying is seen by some as a badge of honor. Many of us rush from task to task, conversation to conversation, rarely pausing to breathe, let alone reflect. While we may equate speed with productivity and importance, this culture of constant motion comes at a cost—one that takes a toll on our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.

There is an excellent quote that also appears on our refrigerator door.  "Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." The quote is often attributed to Lao-tzu's ancient book Tao Te Ching, or Book of the Way,  but we have seen it attributed to other sources, too. No matter the source, the wisdom is a good reminder for us all as we transition to the rhythms of summer. 

And let's not confuse slowness with laziness. Slowing down is an intentional choice in the midst of a culture addicted to urgency. It's one thing we can do to reclaim our wellness, our spirit, and our lives.

We invite you to consider alternatives to the familiar ASAP that might guide your rhythm this summer as we have been doing. One idea we came up with is to make this summer a time to"Allow Space And Pause," which is precisely what we will be doing with pausing our column and podcast over the coming months. And as we take a break until September, we wish you all a wonderful summer, a summer where you might…

Align Summer Aspirations Purposefully

Adjust Slowly Allowing Peace

Admire Summer’s Awesomeness Plentifully

Anchor Summer Adventures Peacefully

Appreciate Summer Abundance Playfully

Awaken Summer Adventure Passion

Activate Summer Aliveness Practices

….."And Similarly Add Phrases" to our list. In other words, feel free to play with and create your own wisdom version of ASAP.

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Let’s Normalize Conversations with One Another about Our Mental Health," May 16, 2025

Let’s Normalize Conversations with One Another

about Our Mental Health

You may have heard that May is Mental Health Awareness Month. In honor of that, we thought it would be helpful to offer two simple yet powerful ways we can all help reduce the stigma of talking about mental health.

Suggestion One: Let’s normalize talking about our emotional pain, just like we do with physical pain.
Feeling sad or anxious during a difficult time in life is as natural as feeling pain in our back or knee due to aging or injury. And yet, for many people, it’s much easier to talk about physical pain.

Do you often apologize when you break down crying when talking with someone? That might be because you internalized a message that it’s not okay to share sadness and vulnerability with others.

When we share emotional pain with others, it becomes a little easier to bear—just like we might feel relief when we talk about a physical ailment.

Suggestion Two: Let’s normalize listening when someone opens up about an emotional challenge.
When someone shares that they’re feeling down or on edge, and we respond with silence or quickly change the subject, they may end up feeling even more isolated. Instead, we can show care by staying present, asking gentle questions, and offering our full attention. Listening deeply helps others feel seen and supported.

It wasn’t that long ago that people avoided talking about cancer. The “C word” was often spoken in whispers, adding shame and loneliness to an already difficult experience. Thankfully, that has changed—talking openly about cancer is now common, and support is readily available.

This May, let’s take another step forward. Let’s all do our part to normalize open conversations about mental health—starting by talking honestly about our own experiences and by listening compassionately to others.

On this week podcast Holly talks about her mother dying of breast cancer when she was young and how it’s been hard to find people that are comfortable talking with her about what she experienced. , Listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"The Wisdom of Momisms," May 9, 2025

The Wisdom of Momisms

It's been a few years since we shared some of the wise advice that mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and other women we have all been blessed to know have shared with us throughout our lives. We call these wise, pithy sayings Momisms. 

Here are a few of our favorites, and because this is a wellness column, we also share ways these words of advice apply to various aspects of well-being.

"I'm not interested in who started it!" The wisdom here is that a lot of time and energy is often wasted in trying to figure out "who started it." Who hasn't spent more time arguing with someone about who started a problem than they have spent on resolving it? Focusing on "who started it" is one way of playing the "blame game," and is rarely helpful. You don't need to figure out who started a problem at work or home to be part of the solution.

"If you keep making that face, one of these days it will freeze that way!" This Momism contains some great wellness insights. The first is that the behaviors we choose, over time, become habits, and habits always have consequences. It is important, then, to carefully observe the habits we are forming. The second insight of this Momism has to do with the way we treat others. If I am regularly in a hurry and don't take time to be kind to people, at some point their opinion of me will "freeze." They may well come to believe that I am a person who is self-absorbed or unkind. We all form opinions of others based on their behaviors, and it is easy for those opinions to become frozen and difficult to change, even if the person's behaviors actually do change at some point.

"This moment is fleeting in the overall scheme of things." Our emotional and spiritual wellness is enhanced when we remember two things. First, it is wise to seek to live in the present moment, and second, any current struggle we may have is more bearable when we place it in the context of life's larger time frame.

"Take care of a goldfish, and then you can get a dog." It's important to start small when taking on any new challenge or responsibility. New habits and big goals are realized in small steps. For example, develop a regular habit of walking before you try to run your first 5K, or take a class on a subject before deciding on that major.

"I don't care what everybody else is doing; you are not everybody else!" Another version of this is "just because everyone else is jumping off a cliff, doesn't mean that you should, too." Both ideas are meant to encourage us to dare to think for ourselves and to remember that going along with the crowd is not always the best decision.

"The best way to have a friend is to be one." All relationships are important and must be cared for and nurtured to stay strong and healthy. We reap what we sow in relationships. This reminds us of the importance of sharing our appreciation and gratitude with others, as that is what builds and strengthens relationships.

"Please call me when you get there, so I will know you have arrived safely." This statement is a sweet expression of love and concern, although when we were young, we might have rolled our eyes, thinking that our mom was annoying and trying to control us. The wellness principle here is that it makes a positive difference to have others around us who are concerned for our well-being and to care for others as well.

As we pause to celebrate all mothers this weekend, may we also give thanks for the wisdom they, along with other influential women in our lives, have taught us over the years.

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Lessons Learned From a Mindfulness Jar," May 2, 2025

Lessons Learned From a Mindfulness Jar

We both have mindfulness jars on our desks and use them regularly in our coaching practices. And Holly used to use hers in her previous career as a grade school teacher. They are helpful in so many situations. And you can easily make one for yourself—do a quick online search, and you will find many suggestions. 

If the concept of a mindfulness jar is new to you, here's a short description. A mindfulness jar is a clear jar (like a Ball jar, for example) that is filled with water, a small amount of clear glue, and glitter. The glue is added to create enough viscosity so that when the jar is shaken, the glitter stays suspended in the liquid for a short time. Then, gradually, within a minute or so, the glitter slowly settles back to the bottom of the jar. 

If you want to see one in action, watch this 90-second video demonstration by clicking HERE. 

We find ourselves using our mindfulness jars frequently to make some important points. Here are five of the lessons we teach.

1.  It is normal for all of us to find our "jars" shaken up. Life has a way of doing that to us. It could be the news of the day, a harsh word from a friend, colleague, or family member, or even a curt text or email. 

2.  The jars are like our minds. When our minds are settled, we can see and think much more clearly. When our jars are shaken up, just the opposite is true. It is impossible to see, think, or act clearly.  And it is best to wait until things settle. 

3.  Learning to pause and not react when our jars are jostled gives us the time and space we need to calm down. When we are calm, we can choose a much more helpful response rather than a churned-up reaction.

4.  Learn not to judge your jar or mind when it is stirred up. It happens to everyone. Simply observe and accept it as normal and give it the space and time it needs to calm down.

5.  The benefit of learning a few mindfulness practices (meditation, journaling, prayer practices, contemplative walking, yoga, breathing exercises, etc.) is that we will have the practiced tools on hand to calm and recenter ourselves more quickly.  In fact, doing these practices proactively will help us every day be less vulnerable to getting hijacked by our emotions. 

Elvis Presley may have had great success with the number-one hit  "I'm All Shook Up," but for the rest of us, it's something we will rarely, if ever, profit from. We will, however, benefit from learning and accepting the signs of when we are all shook up, and then using some centering practices, maybe even a mindfulness jar,  to calm ourselves down before reacting. 

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Wellness Begins with We," April 18, 2025

Wellness Begins with We

Passover and Easter overlap again this year, allowing us to reflect on the power of these celebrations for hundreds of millions of people worldwide.  The celebrations connected to these holy days, as with the celebrations of all religious holy days, are grounded in bringing people together. While individual beliefs and practices are important, the gathering of community is primary, a practice as old as human civilization.

And it's not just true of religious celebrations. We see this same emphasis on community in all kinds of celebrations—graduations, funerals, weddings, and public holidays, to name a few. All of these various community gatherings are essential to our well-being.

There is a clever way to remember the strong connection between community and well-being. Notice that the word "Wellness" begins with "We." Some have even noted that when the letter "I" in "Illness" is replaced with "We," the word becomes Wellness. 

American culture has long celebrated the importance of individualism. Too often, though, this focus on a strong sense of "I" is presented as somehow separate or even in opposition to the importance of a strong "We." The fact is they are always interconnected. Healthy individuals are essential to healthy communities, and healthy communities are critical to strong individual well-being. 

Many experts are writing today about a growing sense of isolation and loneliness in our culture and how this is becoming a public health issue.  COVID contributed to this, but the problem began long before the pandemic.  Robert Putnam was one of the first to bring this to our attention with his groundbreaking book, "Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revitalization of American Community," written in 2000. Focusing on the trend of Americans who are bowling alone or just one or two others, rather than in leagues as was done in the past, he wrote that the erosion of communal life has seriously affected both public and individual health. 

With this in mind, may we all remember that whatever our plans may include this week—whether it be celebrating Passover, Easter, or bowling— let's make sure to prioritize strengthening our bonds with others. Doing so will contribute to both our own well-being, and that of the people with whom we gather.

*We will be taking some time off next week and so this column will return in two weeks.

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Well Connected," April 4, 2025

Well Connected

We recently came across an extended quote from Albert Einstein that we would like to share with you today.

“A human being is a part of the whole, called by us the ‘Universe,’ a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. 

This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty. 

Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security.”

As we reflect on the connection of Einstein’s words to wellness, the focus of this column, we are aware that a foundation of our wellness is acknowledging our deep inter-dependency with all people, and with all of creation. Certainly, the contagion of the COVID virus was a clear reminder of just how interconnected we all are.

Imagine a mobile hanging from a ceiling over a baby’s crib. If someone were to jiggle one piece of the mobile all the other pieces would also jiggle, even though you weren’t directly moving them. Why? Because they are all interconnected. 

As family therapists, we often observe this when a family member faces a crisis or challenge. The person facing the challenge is clearly distressed, but soon, those who are closely connected to the person will also feel distressed. It also works the other way. When one person in a family, team, or group feels centered and joyous, that can also radiate out to those with whom they are connected. 

Our deep inter-connectedness, as the intellectual icon Albert Einstein so eloquently explained, is a gift. When we remember it and nourish it regularly, not only do we benefit, but so does everyone with whom we are connected. 

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.