"What Artemis II Can Teach Us About Mental Health," Episode #176, April 10, 2026

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

What follows is the Wellness Compass Column that was send out today and based on the same topic as this podcast episode:

What Artemis II Can Teach Us About Mental Health

On our Wellness Compass podcast this week we talked about how we, as a couple of mental health providers, took away some important lessons from following the outer space journey of Artemis II.

Here, in no particular order, are our takeaways:

There is Power in Expanding Our Perspective. Suppose someone says, "I'm a control freak. I micromanage everything." A helpful reframe you could offer them is: “Sounds like you have high standards and a deep investment in things going well. That care and attention to detail can be a real asset as long as you can find a way to channel it in ways that don't exhaust you or those around you.” The reframe expands the perspective and opens up new ways to see the issue.

Viewing Earth from space is the ultimate reframe—and (please excuse the pun!) a very high level experience of expanding one’s perspective. The expanded perspective from space removes human-made earthly divisions and helps to remind us that we really are all ultimately one, and in this together.

If You Want to Go Far, Go Together. There is a proverb that says, “If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.” The four astronauts are a diverse group with unique skill sets. The success of the mission is based on their interconnection and interdependence.  Add to this the much larger team of scientists who built the craft and oversee all the other logistics, and you see that we all definitely do better, and go farther, when we work together, in space and here on Earth.

There is a Time for Autopilot and a Time for Taking the Controls. Many things we do in our day-to-day lives are routines that maybe are not fully on autopilot, but we don’t need to give them a lot of new thought each day. However, there are times, either because of disruption in our lives or because we want to move into a new “orbit,” that we need to turn off the autopilot and truly take control, so that we can fly with greater awareness and intention. This is exactly what the astronauts did on their mission. NASA had each crew member take a turn flying the craft so that they would know what to do in case the autopilot function failed and they needed to take control themselves.

Growth Requires Moving Out of Comfort Zones. Could there be a more powerful example of moving out of one’s comfort zone than choosing to fly to outer space? All change and growth, by definition, requires a decision to move out of our comfort zones. As long as we make this move with awareness, intention, and a supportive team of people around us, we maximize our chances of gaining a whole new perspective in our lives. This can open us to experiences and vistas we never thought possible from within our previous comfort zones.

We applaud the courage and success of the Artemis II voyage and all the people who have made it possible. And as we write this the night before they are due to return to Earth, we thank them for the inspiration and wisdom they have offered us and we wish them a safe and successful landing.

Connect with Holly and Scott

New episodes release every two weeks. Until then — may you be safe, may you be healthy, may you live at ease, and may you deepen your practice of self-care and self-compassion.

And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

"Only Love Can Do That," Episode #175, March 27, 2026

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

What follows is the Wellness Compass Column that was send out today and based on the same topic as this podcast episode:

Only Love Can Do That

Theo of Golden by Allan Levi is the book I (Holly) am currently reading and loving. Only three quarters of the way through it, the main character Theo and his story has really captivated me as he is everything I’d like to be: curious about others, a good listener to everyone, generous, and non-judgmental.

I’ve been telling Scott about it all week, sharing many of the stories about Theo’s loving kindness and how I find it to be an antidote for much of the suffering that is happening in the world.

Like Theo, we believe that love, kindness, and compassion are the most powerful and most essential forces in the world. We find it important to state this, especially at a time when fear and violence are a constant presence.

We talk in our Wellness Compass resources about how there are many compasses that compete to guide our lives. The compasses of the dominant culture are strong, as are the compasses of our upbringings. Choosing spiritual values, as Theo does—like love, kindness, and compassion—to be what guides us toward True North is an intentional choice any of us can make, no matter what other forces may tempt us to follow them instead.

As psychotherapists, we know firsthand the destruction that violence and hatred cause. Having worked with countless clients who have experienced the mind- and soul-crushing effects of violence and hatred, our hearts have been broken more times than we can count. At the same time, being witnesses to the healing power of love and compassion in the lives of people who have suffered has time and time again reminded us that love and compassion are indeed stronger than violence and hatred.

Hatred and violence are ever present in our world, there is no doubt. As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” That’s why we need to continuously choose love, kindness, and compassion as our enduring values both for our own well-being and the well-being of our world.

Connect with Holly and Scott

New episodes release every two weeks. Until then — may you be safe, may you be healthy, may you live at ease, and may you deepen your practice of self-care and self-compassion.

And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

"The Gift We So Often Forget to Give Ourselves," Episode #174, March, 2026

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

The Gift We So Often Forget to Give Ourselves

Wellness Compass Podcast

Self-Compassion and Self-Care

Episode Summary

We hear about self-compassion and self-care so often that the words can start to wash over us — and yet most of us are still much better at offering compassion to others than to ourselves. In this episode, Holly and Scott Stoner explore why these practices are not luxuries or signs of self-indulgence, but the very foundation of sustained wellness, healthy relationships, and genuine care for others. Drawing on their work as marriage and family therapists, their Wellness Compass programs, and a moving story from a high school mental health fair, they make the case that a full cup is what makes giving possible — and that self-compassion is not about lowering the bar, but about meeting yourself with honesty and kindness at the same time.

Key Themes

  • Why self-compassion and self-care feel so countercultural — and why they matter more than ever right now

  • The difference between self-compassion and toxic positivity — it's honest and kind, not one or the other

  • How the inner critic develops, why it sometimes seems to work in the short run, and why it grinds us down over time

  • Social media and the trap of "comparing your insides to other people's outsides"

  • The Wellness Compass core principle: whatever we pay attention to is what will grow

  • Why self-care is not selfish — it's about creating a centered self, not a self-centered one

Story from the Episode

Holly shares a conversation from a high school mental health fair with a young football player who was carrying heavy self-criticism after his team's loss. His story illustrates something universal — the weight we carry when we hold ourselves to a standard that leaves no room for compassion, effort, or grace.

Quote of the Episode

"Self-care is not about being self-centered. It's about creating a centered self." — Scott Stoner

Featured Resource

Kristin Neff — leading researcher, author, and teacher on self-compassion. Her simple, powerful starting point: "Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend." Here's a link to one of her videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11U0h0DPu7k

Upcoming Events

🌀 Wellness Circles — beginning April 7th and 8th, online. A practical, supported space for self-care and community. Learn more at wellnesscompass.org

Making It Personal

  1. Is there an area of your life — at work, at home, or out in the world — where you tend to be hardest on yourself? Name it honestly, and then ask: what would it look like to be a little more gentle there?

  2. What is one concrete thing you could do — journaling, a conversation, a shift in thinking — to grow more self-compassion in that area?

  3. Where in your life could you use a little more self-care right now? What would it mean to fill your cup so you have more to offer yourself and others?

Connect with Holly and Scott

New episodes release every two weeks. Until then — may you be safe, may you be healthy, may you live at ease, and may you deepen your practice of self-care and self-compassion.


And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

Sharing Light in the Darkness

In the 1990’s, there was a children’s show on the Nickelodeon Network that our children and we loved, called Are You Afraid of the Dark? One thing that made the show special was that it was just scary enough, without being terrifying. We find ourselves thinking about that show now as we in the Northern Hemisphere approach the darkest night of the year. There is a lot of fear, a lot of scary things happening in the world, things that can seem dark and overwhelming at times.

As therapists, we find ourselves invited into so many conversations these days about how can one find and how can one be light in the midst of the very real darkness we are seeing in the world.

Fortunately, we are not the first people to encounter this struggle. Each of the world’s spiritual traditions offers wisdom on finding hope, love, and peace—light—in the midst of the darkness of suffering, injustice, and violence.

A few years ago, we lost power in our house for several days due to an ice storm. As disruptive as that experience was, we discovered a lesson that has stayed with us. We discovered the difference a single candle can make in a pitch-black room. This experience has stayed with us, especially during difficult times when tragedy strikes our communities or violence erupts in our world. Like many of us, we sometimes feel overwhelmed by the darkness around us, uncertain where to turn or what to do. But then we remember the difference that one small candle, one small light can make.

There's an old saying: "It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness." For us now, lighting one candle means doing something kind and loving for someone else—some act of service that brings a small amount of light into their world and, little by little, helps brighten our world as a whole.

Here's what's remarkable about sharing light: when you have a lit candle and reach out to light someone else's candle, it in no way diminishes your own light. Unlike money or material resources, we can share the light of hope, love, and kindness with countless others, and still have own light which can continue to burn just as brightly.

As we celebrate the upcoming holidays, may we all commit to being candles of light, spreading love and kindness to all we encounter. The darkness is real and powerful, but the power of love and light is greater still.

Making It Personal:

1. When have you experienced someone lighting a candle of hope for you during a dark time? How did their act of kindness change your perspective or situation?

2. What small act of love or service could you offer this week to bring light into someone else's world?

3. What helps you remember that sharing your light with others doesn't diminish your own? How might this understanding change the way you approach generosity this season?

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"The Courage to Reset: Lessons from an Olympic Champion," Episode #173, February 27, 2026

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

Wellness Compass Podcast Show Notes

Episode #173: The Courage to Reset: Lessons from an Olympic Champion

Overview

Scott Stoner and Holly Hughes Stoner explore the power of making intentional resets in our lives — drawing inspiration from Olympic figure skater Alyssa Liu, who took two years away from skating at age 16 to prioritize her mental health, then returned to win gold at age 20.

The Inspiring Story of Alyssa Liu

Alyssa Liu's journey offers a compelling model for all of us. At 16, at the height of her competitive career, she stepped away from elite figure skating because the relentless pressure and busyness were taking a toll on her mental health. After two years of rest and renewal, she returned to the sport about a year ago — and what stood out wasn't just her technical skill, but her visible joy and ease on the ice. Her story challenges the assumption that stepping back means giving up.

Her words: "I hope that with all this attention, I can at least raise awareness about mental health in sports and mental health in general... I think my story is pretty cool. So I hope that it inspires other people as well."

Three Key Takeaways from Holly

1. Resting or resetting is not the same as quitting. Pausing something — a commitment, a role, a pace — is not failure. It's wisdom. Whether it's pulling back from a work obligation, a relationship pattern, or a draining routine, stepping back can create the perspective we need to move forward with more intention.

2. Detach your well-being from your achievements. When we're known for something or skilled at it, it can easily become our identity. But who we are is not defined by our output, our titles, or what we produce. Remembering this is itself a kind of reset.

3. Listen to your whispers. Low energy, lack of joy, going through the motions — these are signals worth paying attention to. Alyssa Liu listened to hers. Scott and Holly share their own example: shifting the podcast and column to an every-other-week format to show up with more energy, preparation, and joy for each episode.

What a Reset Might Look Like for You

Resets don't have to be dramatic. They can be small and still be powerful:

  • Getting up five minutes earlier for quiet time or meditation

  • Turning off the radio on your drive home to breathe and reflect

  • Shifting from going through the motions to being more intentionally present with family, friends, or colleagues

  • Reframing how you see a person or situation — sometimes the reset happens entirely in how we think

A Note on Hard Seasons

Scott and Holly acknowledge that sometimes we're in the middle of a crisis, grief, or loss — circumstances we can't simply reset our way out of. This conversation isn't about toxic positivity. It's about the smaller, courageous choices we can make to navigate our lives with more awareness and intention.

Resources & Connect

Until we gather again in two weeks — may you be healthy, may you be happy, may you be at ease, and may you know when you are in need of a reset, big or small.


And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

Sharing Light in the Darkness

In the 1990’s, there was a children’s show on the Nickelodeon Network that our children and we loved, called Are You Afraid of the Dark? One thing that made the show special was that it was just scary enough, without being terrifying. We find ourselves thinking about that show now as we in the Northern Hemisphere approach the darkest night of the year. There is a lot of fear, a lot of scary things happening in the world, things that can seem dark and overwhelming at times.

As therapists, we find ourselves invited into so many conversations these days about how can one find and how can one be light in the midst of the very real darkness we are seeing in the world.

Fortunately, we are not the first people to encounter this struggle. Each of the world’s spiritual traditions offers wisdom on finding hope, love, and peace—light—in the midst of the darkness of suffering, injustice, and violence.

A few years ago, we lost power in our house for several days due to an ice storm. As disruptive as that experience was, we discovered a lesson that has stayed with us. We discovered the difference a single candle can make in a pitch-black room. This experience has stayed with us, especially during difficult times when tragedy strikes our communities or violence erupts in our world. Like many of us, we sometimes feel overwhelmed by the darkness around us, uncertain where to turn or what to do. But then we remember the difference that one small candle, one small light can make.

There's an old saying: "It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness." For us now, lighting one candle means doing something kind and loving for someone else—some act of service that brings a small amount of light into their world and, little by little, helps brighten our world as a whole.

Here's what's remarkable about sharing light: when you have a lit candle and reach out to light someone else's candle, it in no way diminishes your own light. Unlike money or material resources, we can share the light of hope, love, and kindness with countless others, and still have own light which can continue to burn just as brightly.

As we celebrate the upcoming holidays, may we all commit to being candles of light, spreading love and kindness to all we encounter. The darkness is real and powerful, but the power of love and light is greater still.

Making It Personal:

1. When have you experienced someone lighting a candle of hope for you during a dark time? How did their act of kindness change your perspective or situation?

2. What small act of love or service could you offer this week to bring light into someone else's world?

3. What helps you remember that sharing your light with others doesn't diminish your own? How might this understanding change the way you approach generosity this season?

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"Love as Practice: Beyond the Feelings of Valentine's Day," Episode #172, February 13, 2026

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

"Love as Practice: Beyond the Feelings of Valentine's Day”

  What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column. You can subscribe to the weekly column HERE.

"Love as Practice: Beyond the Feelings of Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day invites us to celebrate love with cards, flowers, and chocolates—gestures that honor the warm feelings we have for the people we care about. Feelings are an important aspect of love, but love is so much more than that. What sustains love through ordinary days, difficult seasons, and genuine hardship?

This week, nineteen Buddhist monks completed a 2,300-mile walk from Texas to Washington, D.C., covering over twenty miles each day for 108 days. Some walked barefoot. Some nights they slept in tents in the midst of freezing weather. Early in their journey, their escort vehicle was struck by a distracted driver, and one monk lost his leg. Rather than responding with anger or litigation, the monks offered compassion and continued their pilgrimage.

Their journey teaches us something essential: love is not primarily a feeling. Love is an embodied practice—a decision we make again and again through our actions.

American scholar and author bell hooks wrote that, "Love is an act of will—namely, both an intention and an action." She insisted that love requires care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect, and trust. These aren't emotions that wash over us. They're disciplines we can choose to cultivate, day after difficult day.

This understanding has for centuries appeared across wisdom traditions as well. In the Bible, for example, in 1 Corinthians 13, love is described not as a feeling but as a series of actions: love is patient, love is kind, love does not keep a record of wrongs. These are choices, not sentiments. They require intention and practice.

The monks' walk demonstrates this truth beautifully. When faced with injury and loss, they couldn’t rely solely on positive feelings to carry them forward. They instead relied on their commitment to peace—a commitment expressed through every mindful step, every tent pitched in the cold, every encounter with strangers along the highway.

Their example has profound implications for our relationships. When we understand love as practice rather than feeling, we stop waiting for the emotion to show up before we act lovingly. We show up for our partner even when we're frustrated. We offer kindness to our children even when we're exhausted. We extend compassion to

ourselves even when we feel unworthy of it.

Love as practice means recognizing that the small, unglamorous choices matter most: listening when we'd rather talk, pausing before reacting, choosing forgiveness over resentment, showing up consistently rather than dramatically. These daily disciplines build the foundation that feelings alone cannot sustain.

So this Valentine's Day, by all means celebrate with flowers and chocolates. But also ask yourself: What loving actions will I practice even when the warm, affectionate feelings aren't always there? How will I embody love even when it costs me something? What am I willing to walk twenty miles a day for?

The monks teach us that love sustained over 2,300 miles isn't about warm feelings. It's about faithful practice. Step by step. Day by day. Choice by choice.

That's the love that endures.


And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

Sharing Light in the Darkness

In the 1990’s, there was a children’s show on the Nickelodeon Network that our children and we loved, called Are You Afraid of the Dark? One thing that made the show special was that it was just scary enough, without being terrifying. We find ourselves thinking about that show now as we in the Northern Hemisphere approach the darkest night of the year. There is a lot of fear, a lot of scary things happening in the world, things that can seem dark and overwhelming at times.

As therapists, we find ourselves invited into so many conversations these days about how can one find and how can one be light in the midst of the very real darkness we are seeing in the world.

Fortunately, we are not the first people to encounter this struggle. Each of the world’s spiritual traditions offers wisdom on finding hope, love, and peace—light—in the midst of the darkness of suffering, injustice, and violence.

A few years ago, we lost power in our house for several days due to an ice storm. As disruptive as that experience was, we discovered a lesson that has stayed with us. We discovered the difference a single candle can make in a pitch-black room. This experience has stayed with us, especially during difficult times when tragedy strikes our communities or violence erupts in our world. Like many of us, we sometimes feel overwhelmed by the darkness around us, uncertain where to turn or what to do. But then we remember the difference that one small candle, one small light can make.

There's an old saying: "It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness." For us now, lighting one candle means doing something kind and loving for someone else—some act of service that brings a small amount of light into their world and, little by little, helps brighten our world as a whole.

Here's what's remarkable about sharing light: when you have a lit candle and reach out to light someone else's candle, it in no way diminishes your own light. Unlike money or material resources, we can share the light of hope, love, and kindness with countless others, and still have own light which can continue to burn just as brightly.

As we celebrate the upcoming holidays, may we all commit to being candles of light, spreading love and kindness to all we encounter. The darkness is real and powerful, but the power of love and light is greater still.

Making It Personal:

1. When have you experienced someone lighting a candle of hope for you during a dark time? How did their act of kindness change your perspective or situation?

2. What small act of love or service could you offer this week to bring light into someone else's world?

3. What helps you remember that sharing your light with others doesn't diminish your own? How might this understanding change the way you approach generosity this season?

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"Start With Why," Episode #171, January 30, 2026

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

Start With Why

If you would like to join our upcoming Wellness Compass "pop up" session on Thursday, February 26th, 7:00 PM Central Time, click HERE.  There are 8 dimensions of wellness in our Wellness Compass and for this session we will focus on the Handling Emotions dimension of wellbeing.  

  What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column. You can subscribe to the weekly column HERE.

Start With Why (Part 2 of a six-part series on change).

Most attempts to make a change will fail if they are not connected to a clear "why"—a clear reason for making the change. The "why" is the root system that grounds and nurtures change. Without a strong root system, most attempts at change will wither or die out altogether. For example, if a person makes a New Year’s resolution simply because it’s the popular thing to do, there is a good chance that resolution won’t stick. If, however, a resolution is grounded in a compelling why, it has a much greater chance of lasting.

Author Simon Sinek writes extensively about change. He says most people focus only on the "what" and "how" of a change they want to make, and forget the most essential part—connecting with their "why." For example, a person might decide they want to spend less time on their screens. That's their "what." They may even have a "how"—a plan for doing this. But unless they articulate the deeper "why," their attempt to limit screen time will likely be short-lived. If, however, they can identify why they want to spend less time on screens—to connect more meaningfully with others, pursue other activities, or get more sleep—then there's a greater chance they'll make a lasting change.

All great leaders inspire and facilitate change with a clear "why." Archbishop Desmond Tutu, who passed away in 2021, received the Nobel Peace Prize for his tireless work to end apartheid in South Africa. The “why” that kept him going, even when facing seemingly insurmountable barriers, was his belief that all people are created equal and that the freedom and dignity of every individual must be affirmed and honored. What he did and how he did it evolved and adapted to changing circumstances, but his "why" never wavered. His “why” sustained him his entire life. Such is the power of knowing and connecting with our deeper "why."

This principle has guided a significant change in our own work. Before COVID, our main strategy for our nonprofit Wellness Compass Initiative centered on creating print resources and traveling around the country doing in-person trainings. This approach was effective and personally rewarding, and while it helped us reach thousands of people, its scalability was limited. When COVID hit, we were forced to pivot—developing digital downloads and moving all our trainings and meetings online. Initially, we made these changes simply because circumstances required it.

But here's where the "why" became essential. As the world reopened, we faced a choice: return to our familiar pre-COVID methods or embrace the challenging work of continuing to grow these new digital strategies. We could have easily justified going back to what we knew best. Instead, we chose to press forward with learning new technologies like podcasting and expanding our digital reach. Why? Because our deeper purpose has always been to expand access to wellness resources for as many people as possible.

The changes have been challenging. There's a learning curve to new technology, and we miss the warmth of in-person gatherings. But our reach has expanded in ways we never imagined. Now we are reaching many tens of thousands of people Before COVID, we ran Wellness Circles in person in our local geographic area. Now we facilitate five times as many Wellness Circles, regularly welcoming participants from Europe, South America, and other parts of the world, as well as people just down the street from where we live and work. Our "why"—making high quality wellness resources accessible to organizations and individuals who need them—gave us the motivation to persist through the challenges that change always brings.

Making It Personal

  1. Can you think of a change you have already made in your life that was fueled by a clear “why”?  How did it go?

  1. Is there a change you want to make, or are making now, that would be strengthened by connecting it more clearly to a “why"?

  1. What is your "why" for the change you are aspiring to make and how might identifying that help motivate to stick with it?


And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

Sharing Light in the Darkness

In the 1990’s, there was a children’s show on the Nickelodeon Network that our children and we loved, called Are You Afraid of the Dark? One thing that made the show special was that it was just scary enough, without being terrifying. We find ourselves thinking about that show now as we in the Northern Hemisphere approach the darkest night of the year. There is a lot of fear, a lot of scary things happening in the world, things that can seem dark and overwhelming at times.

As therapists, we find ourselves invited into so many conversations these days about how can one find and how can one be light in the midst of the very real darkness we are seeing in the world.

Fortunately, we are not the first people to encounter this struggle. Each of the world’s spiritual traditions offers wisdom on finding hope, love, and peace—light—in the midst of the darkness of suffering, injustice, and violence.

A few years ago, we lost power in our house for several days due to an ice storm. As disruptive as that experience was, we discovered a lesson that has stayed with us. We discovered the difference a single candle can make in a pitch-black room. This experience has stayed with us, especially during difficult times when tragedy strikes our communities or violence erupts in our world. Like many of us, we sometimes feel overwhelmed by the darkness around us, uncertain where to turn or what to do. But then we remember the difference that one small candle, one small light can make.

There's an old saying: "It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness." For us now, lighting one candle means doing something kind and loving for someone else—some act of service that brings a small amount of light into their world and, little by little, helps brighten our world as a whole.

Here's what's remarkable about sharing light: when you have a lit candle and reach out to light someone else's candle, it in no way diminishes your own light. Unlike money or material resources, we can share the light of hope, love, and kindness with countless others, and still have own light which can continue to burn just as brightly.

As we celebrate the upcoming holidays, may we all commit to being candles of light, spreading love and kindness to all we encounter. The darkness is real and powerful, but the power of love and light is greater still.

Making It Personal:

1. When have you experienced someone lighting a candle of hope for you during a dark time? How did their act of kindness change your perspective or situation?

2. What small act of love or service could you offer this week to bring light into someone else's world?

3. What helps you remember that sharing your light with others doesn't diminish your own? How might this understanding change the way you approach generosity this season?

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"Listening for a Change," Episode #170, January 16, 2026

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

Listening for a Change

In this episode we mention our Wellness Compass Self Assessment.  Here is a link to our assessment(s). Click HERE to learn more, and/or to download the self-assessment for your own use. 

And Holly mentions her personal trianer in this episode--the amazing Luanne Vogel. You can learn more about Luanne, including her contact info HERE.

And if you would like to join our upcoming Wellness Compass "pop up" session on Thursday, January 22, 7:00 PM Central Time, click HERE.  There are 8 dimensions of wellness in our Wellness Compass and for this session we will focus on the Relationship dimension of wellbeing.  

  What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column. You can subscribe to the weekly column HERE.

Listening for a Change (Part 1 of an Updated 6-Part Series on Understanding Growth & Change)

Four years ago, we wrote a series of six columns about the process of change—how it starts, what keeps it going, and why it's often so hard. Since then, people have regularly asked us to share information from those columns again. As marriage and family therapists who've spent decades working with individuals, couples, families, and organizations, we've learned that understanding how change actually works is key to making the changes we want to make. So we decided it was time to update this series. For the next six columns (and podcasts), we'll look at how change begins with listening, the stages we go through, what keeps us stuck, and what helps change last. So, if you're thinking about a change or already in the middle of one, we hope this series is helpful.

Whether or not we make New Year's resolutions, a lot of us take stock of our lives this time of year. We pause and ask ourselves if there are changes we want to make. The turning of the calendar invites us to think about what in our lives needs attention. What might need to shift or grow?

One idea we've found to be helpful—both in our own lives and with our clients—is what we call "listening to the whispers." It's pretty simple: all meaningful change begins with listening. Often a desire or need for change first shows up as a whisper, a quiet feeling that something's not quite right. The whisper might sound like:

"I'm feeling disconnected from _______. I'm not sure how to fix that, and honestly, I'm afraid to take the first step, but I know it's time."

"I used to make time for ________, and I really miss that. I want to find a way to bring it back."

"The pace of my life is wearing me out. I can feel it in my body, and I want to do something about it before I burn out."

"My relationship with alcohol (or screens, or work, or shopping) has changed in ways that worry me. I want to address this now, while I still can."

"This job doesn't fit who I'm becoming anymore. I'm going to start looking at what else is out there."

"I feel called to get more involved in what's happening in my community. I'm going to talk to people who are already doing the kind of work I want to do."

"There are things in our family we keep avoiding. I think we could be stronger if we started being more honest with each other."

"I keep hearing people talk about meditation and how much it helps them. I'm curious about what that might do for me."

That inner voice, that whisper that something needs to change, is easy to ignore. After all, it's only a whisper. But here's what we've noticed: when a whisper goes unheeded, it doesn't just go away. The pattern we see again and again is that the whisper gets louder. Gradually our inner voice starts to shout. And what happens if we don't listen even then? Eventually something breaks through—a consequence, maybe even a crisis—something we can't ignore anymore.

When it comes to taking care of ourselves and our relationships, we need to learn to listen to these hints. Healthy people, couples, families, leaders, and organizations do this regularly. They take honest looks in the mirror. And because they know they can still fool themselves, they ask for honest feedback from people they trust. They create ways to get feedback so they can adapt and respond to warning signs. But it all starts with being willing to let our lives speak to us and actually listening to what wants and/or needs to change.

Our lives are always speaking to us. Together, let’s commit to listening to what they might be saying.

And speaking of change, we are making a small change with the frequency of our Wellness Column and Podcast. Due to other new initiatives that we are working on (more about that later!), we will be moving from a weekly format to an every other week format. So look for our next column and podcast in two weeks, and every other week thereafter. And please note that this change came from a “whisper” that reminded us that our bandwidth has limits and that we can’t develop new initiatives without making space for the energy they require!

Making It Personal—These questions can help you listen more closely to what your life might be saying right now:

1. What do you think about the idea that all meaningful change begins with listening?

2. Can you think of a time when you listened to a whisper in your life, and it led to something good?

3. Listening to your life right now, what's one change that's calling for your attention as we start this new year?

In the weeks ahead, we'll explore the stages of change, what helps transformation stick, and how to work with resistance—both the kind inside us and the kind from others. We're looking forward to this journey with you.


And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

Sharing Light in the Darkness

In the 1990’s, there was a children’s show on the Nickelodeon Network that our children and we loved, called Are You Afraid of the Dark? One thing that made the show special was that it was just scary enough, without being terrifying. We find ourselves thinking about that show now as we in the Northern Hemisphere approach the darkest night of the year. There is a lot of fear, a lot of scary things happening in the world, things that can seem dark and overwhelming at times.

As therapists, we find ourselves invited into so many conversations these days about how can one find and how can one be light in the midst of the very real darkness we are seeing in the world.

Fortunately, we are not the first people to encounter this struggle. Each of the world’s spiritual traditions offers wisdom on finding hope, love, and peace—light—in the midst of the darkness of suffering, injustice, and violence.

A few years ago, we lost power in our house for several days due to an ice storm. As disruptive as that experience was, we discovered a lesson that has stayed with us. We discovered the difference a single candle can make in a pitch-black room. This experience has stayed with us, especially during difficult times when tragedy strikes our communities or violence erupts in our world. Like many of us, we sometimes feel overwhelmed by the darkness around us, uncertain where to turn or what to do. But then we remember the difference that one small candle, one small light can make.

There's an old saying: "It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness." For us now, lighting one candle means doing something kind and loving for someone else—some act of service that brings a small amount of light into their world and, little by little, helps brighten our world as a whole.

Here's what's remarkable about sharing light: when you have a lit candle and reach out to light someone else's candle, it in no way diminishes your own light. Unlike money or material resources, we can share the light of hope, love, and kindness with countless others, and still have own light which can continue to burn just as brightly.

As we celebrate the upcoming holidays, may we all commit to being candles of light, spreading love and kindness to all we encounter. The darkness is real and powerful, but the power of love and light is greater still.

Making It Personal:

1. When have you experienced someone lighting a candle of hope for you during a dark time? How did their act of kindness change your perspective or situation?

2. What small act of love or service could you offer this week to bring light into someone else's world?

3. What helps you remember that sharing your light with others doesn't diminish your own? How might this understanding change the way you approach generosity this season?

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"Sharing Light in the Darkness" Episode #169, December 19, 2025

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

  What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column. You can subscribe to the weekly column HERE.

Sharing Light in the Darkness

In the 1990’s, there was a children’s show on the Nickelodeon Network that our children and we loved, called Are You Afraid of the Dark? One thing that made the show special was that it was just scary enough, without being terrifying. We find ourselves thinking about that show now as we in the Northern Hemisphere approach the darkest night of the year. There is a lot of fear, a lot of scary things happening in the world, things that can seem dark and overwhelming at times.

As therapists, we find ourselves invited into so many conversations these days about how can one find and how can one be light in the midst of the very real darkness we are seeing in the world.

Fortunately, we are not the first people to encounter this struggle. Each of the world’s spiritual traditions offers wisdom on finding hope, love, and peace—light—in the midst of the darkness of suffering, injustice, and violence.

A few years ago, we lost power in our house for several days due to an ice storm. As disruptive as that experience was, we discovered a lesson that has stayed with us. We discovered the difference a single candle can make in a pitch-black room. This experience has stayed with us, especially during difficult times when tragedy strikes our communities or violence erupts in our world. Like many of us, we sometimes feel overwhelmed by the darkness around us, uncertain where to turn or what to do. But then we remember the difference that one small candle, one small light can make.

There's an old saying: "It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness." For us now, lighting one candle means doing something kind and loving for someone else—some act of service that brings a small amount of light into their world and, little by little, helps brighten our world as a whole.

Here's what's remarkable about sharing light: when you have a lit candle and reach out to light someone else's candle, it in no way diminishes your own light. Unlike money or material resources, we can share the light of hope, love, and kindness with countless others, and still have own light which can continue to burn just as brightly.

As we celebrate the upcoming holidays, may we all commit to being candles of light, spreading love and kindness to all we encounter. The darkness is real and powerful, but the power of love and light is greater still.

Making It Personal:

1. When have you experienced someone lighting a candle of hope for you during a dark time? How did their act of kindness change your perspective or situation?

2. What small act of love or service could you offer this week to bring light into someone else's world?

3. What helps you remember that sharing your light with others doesn't diminish your own? How might this understanding change the way you approach generosity this season?

And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

Sharing Light in the Darkness

In the 1990’s, there was a children’s show on the Nickelodeon Network that our children and we loved, called Are You Afraid of the Dark? One thing that made the show special was that it was just scary enough, without being terrifying. We find ourselves thinking about that show now as we in the Northern Hemisphere approach the darkest night of the year. There is a lot of fear, a lot of scary things happening in the world, things that can seem dark and overwhelming at times.

As therapists, we find ourselves invited into so many conversations these days about how can one find and how can one be light in the midst of the very real darkness we are seeing in the world.

Fortunately, we are not the first people to encounter this struggle. Each of the world’s spiritual traditions offers wisdom on finding hope, love, and peace—light—in the midst of the darkness of suffering, injustice, and violence.

A few years ago, we lost power in our house for several days due to an ice storm. As disruptive as that experience was, we discovered a lesson that has stayed with us. We discovered the difference a single candle can make in a pitch-black room. This experience has stayed with us, especially during difficult times when tragedy strikes our communities or violence erupts in our world. Like many of us, we sometimes feel overwhelmed by the darkness around us, uncertain where to turn or what to do. But then we remember the difference that one small candle, one small light can make.

There's an old saying: "It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness." For us now, lighting one candle means doing something kind and loving for someone else—some act of service that brings a small amount of light into their world and, little by little, helps brighten our world as a whole.

Here's what's remarkable about sharing light: when you have a lit candle and reach out to light someone else's candle, it in no way diminishes your own light. Unlike money or material resources, we can share the light of hope, love, and kindness with countless others, and still have own light which can continue to burn just as brightly.

As we celebrate the upcoming holidays, may we all commit to being candles of light, spreading love and kindness to all we encounter. The darkness is real and powerful, but the power of love and light is greater still.

Making It Personal:

1. When have you experienced someone lighting a candle of hope for you during a dark time? How did their act of kindness change your perspective or situation?

2. What small act of love or service could you offer this week to bring light into someone else's world?

3. What helps you remember that sharing your light with others doesn't diminish your own? How might this understanding change the way you approach generosity this season?

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"The Spirit (and Neuroscience) of Generosity," Episode #168, December 12, 2025

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

  What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column. You can subscribe to the weekly column HERE.

The Spirit (and Neuroscience) of Generosity

The holidays are a time for gift giving and generosity. Nonprofits receive more donations of both money and volunteer hours this time of year than at any other time. With that in mind, we offer a few thoughts on practicing generosity—not just during the holidays, but all year long.

Our Brains Are Wired for Generosity

The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, in their book entitled The Book of Joy, remind us that generosity is fundamental by saying the following,  "Generosity is so important in all of the world's religions because it no doubt expresses a fundamental aspect of our interdependence and our need for one another. Generosity was so important for our survival that the reward centers of our brain light up as strongly when we give as when we receive, sometimes even more so.”  Modern neuroscience confirms this ancient wisdom. We are literally hardwired for generosity.Our Gifts Can Go Beyond the Material

While material gifts can be meaningful, many of the most significant forms of generosity often cost nothing. The gift of presence—truly listening to someone who needs to be heard—activate our neural reward pathways. So does offering forgiveness, sharing a burden, or bearing witness to another's joy or pain. These exchanges of care create the web of interdependence that sustains us.

Hospitality Can Be a Gift

A friend recently shared a formative memory. Every Christmas, her parents invited people they knew who were alone to join them for dinner—someone from work, a neighbor, someone from church. She said those experiences taught her more about the meaning of the holidays than any material gift she ever received.

Generosity Transforms Hearts

How the Grinch Stole Christmas and A Christmas Carol are beloved because both the Grinch and Scrooge are transformed by embracing joy and generosity. Hearts that were two sizes too small become enlarged.

This holiday season, let’s commit to practicing generosity in all its forms as we give warmth freely, receive graciously, and notice how both nourish our connections with others.

Making It Personal:

1. Think of a time when someone offered you the gift of their presence—truly listening or simply staying with you through something difficult. What made that moment meaningful?   How did it feel?

2. Like the Grinch or Scrooge, where in your life right now might you be resisting generosity (think time, attention, forgiveness, or resources)? What would it feel like if you worked so that part of your heart grew larger?

3. If you were to create your own ritual of generosity—whether during holidays or throughout the year—what would it look like? Who might you include, and what would you want others to feel from witnessing this practice?f

And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"The Power of Enough: Finding Contentment in a Culture of More," Episode #167, December 5, 2025

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

  What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column. You can subscribe to the weekly column HERE.

The Power of Enough: Finding Contentment in a Culture of More

We live in a culture that constantly tells us that we need more, especially as we approach the holidays. More success, more possessions, more activities, more social media likes, more achievements, more of everything. We don't know about you, but the constant striving leaves us exhausted, anxious, and spiritually depleted. There is another choice, though. We can embrace a different mindset, one we call the power of "enough." Here are four thoughts on what the power of "enough" looks like and how we can embrace it. 

How the mindset of "never enough" negatively impacts our mental health. The psychology of scarcity can have a significant impact on our well-being. We end up feeling like we never have enough or that we never are enough. We also start to believe that everyone else seems to have "enough," or at least more than what we have. It's so easy to find ourselves on the treadmill of never enough that we don't even realize that we are on it. 

We are all familiar with the story of the half a glass of water and the question of whether it is half full or half empty. A third option is that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. In this metaphor, the glass represents our desires to have more. Once we learn to scale down the size of our desires, we will experience more fullness with what we already have. 

Chasing after external validation ultimately leaves us feeling empty. Wisdom teachers across traditions remind us that we're already complete, already beloved, already whole. When we chase external validation to fill an internal void, we're looking in the wrong direction. All religions teach that a life of meaning and happiness isn't based on an abundance of possessions and offer invitations to recognize the fullness already present in this moment and in what we already have.

There are things we can do each day to cultivate the belief that we already have enough. Here are a few ideas. Begin and/or end each day with a simple moment of gratitude.  Pause and be thankful. Sit quietly and notice what's already here: your breath, a roof over your head, the beauty of nature, and the kindness of others. When you notice the desire for "more" arising, pause and ask: "What if I already have enough? What if I already am enough?" 

Living from abundance rather than scarcity is a choice we need to make continuously. When we're not desperately grasping for more, we can live from genuine appreciation rather than anxious striving. We can give more generously, rest more deeply, and love more freely.

The power of "enough" isn't about having less—it's about being more present, more peaceful, and more content.

Making It Personal:

Does the holiday season create stress around not having enough or feeling not enough? Reflect on specific areas—work, relationships, possessions, achievements—where you feel the pull of "more." What does this striving cost you emotionally and spiritually?

What would change in your daily life if you truly believed, "I am enough," and "I have enough"? 

When have you experienced a moment of genuine contentment—a time when you felt delighted with what was present? What conditions made that possible? How might you cultivate more of those conditions in your life, especially during this holiday season?

And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"Beyond Thank You: Four Truths About Gratitude from an Unexpected Vista," Episode #166, November 21, 2025

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

  What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column. You can subscribe to the weekly column HERE.

Beyond Thank You: Four Truths About Gratitude from an Unexpected Vista

The two of us went on a hike the other day. It was a beautiful late Wisconsin fall day. We had chosen a large state protected area we'd never explored before, and as we switchbacked up a ridge, we had no idea we were about to experience gratitude in its truest form.

Turned around at the top, we were overwhelmed with the unexpected view we now had looking out over the Wisconsin River. The sun was hitting the river at just the perfect angle causing the flowing water to glisten magnificently. Without a word being said we both stopped in our tracks and silently breathed in the view. After a minute both of us declared how grateful we were to be there to enjoy the special moment. Standing still for a moment, our bodies had minds of their own and knew the appropriate response to that experience of overwhelming gratitude.

As we continued our hike, we found ourselves appreciating people we would never meet—the conservationists who fought to protect that land, the trail builders who carved those switchbacks, the park staff who maintain the paths. Our moment of beauty and gratitude was made possible by countless others who cared enough to preserve this place.

As Thanksgiving approaches, we keep thinking about our hike and what it taught us about deeper understanding of gratitude. Here are four insights we're carrying forward:

1. Real gratitude is embodied, not just intellectual. It moves through our whole being—physical, emotional, and spiritual. When gratitude is genuine, it shows up in our bodies, not just our minds. Watch for those moments when thankfulness moves you to stop, gesture, to extend a hand, or to offer a touch that physically expresses what words alone cannot capture.

2. Gratitude emerges from wonder and awe. While it’s important to teach children to say “thank you,” gratitude is much more than good manners or something we “should" express.  Authentic gratitude comes from being thankful for the sheer gift of existence, for beauty we didn't create, and for the shared good of people known and unknown to us.   It's about letting ourselves be humbled by moments that remind us how extraordinary ordinary life can be.

3. Gratitude reveals our profound interconnectedness. Almost nothing we experience comes from our efforts alone. When we trace backward from any moment of joy or beauty, we discover countless hands—seen and unseen—that made it possible. We live within an intricate web of giving and receiving that stretches across time and space.

4. Gratitude inspires us to share. When we recognize how our experiences depend on others' care and commitment, we're inspired to become those people for others. Gratitude isn't passive—it awakens us to our role as both recipients and stewards. Metaphorically, what trails do we want to build for others?

We wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving and hope that you may find your own moments where wonder breaks through the ordinary and gratitude rises spontaneously.

Making It Personal:

1. When has gratitude moved through your whole being—not just your mind? Describe a moment when thankfulness expressed itself physically. What does it feel like when you experience authentic gratitude versus polite thank-yous?

2. Recall a recent moment of wonder or awe. How did that experience connect you to something larger than yourself? Did that experience inspire gratitude in you?

3. Choose one thing you're grateful for this Thanksgiving. Trace the web of interconnection backward: Who made this possible? Whose work, whose love, whose choices? How does seeing this network of interdependence enhance your feeling of gratitude?

We will be traveling for Thanksgiving, and so our column and podcast will return in two weeks.

And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"Awe, Mystery, and the Northern Lights: Nature's Gift to Our Well-Being," Episode #165, November 14, 2025

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

  What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column. You can subscribe to the weekly column HERE.

Awe, Mystery, and the Northern Lights: Nature's Gift to Our Well-Being

This week, something extraordinary happened. People across the Northern Hemisphere stopped in their tracks, looked up at the night sky, and collectively whispered, "Whoa." The Northern Lights danced across skies where they rarely appear, and for a few precious moments, we remembered what it means to be truly awestruck.

The aurora borealis is more than just a spectacular show—it provides a powerful reminder of how awe and mystery contribute to our mental health and overall well-being.

Awe Calms Our Nervous System

Dr. Dacher Keltner (author of Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life) writes that experiencing awe has tremendous health benefits, including calming our nervous system and triggering the release of oxytocin, the "love" hormone that promotes trust and bonding. If we were fortunate enough to gaze at the Northern Lights this week, our bodies weren't just witnessing beauty—they were receiving a dose of natural medicine. The vastness of the aurora helped momentarily quiet our anxious minds and reminded us that we are part of something much larger than our daily worries and stresses.

Awe Pulls Us Out of Our Small Stories

When we encounter something as mysterious and magnificent as the Northern Lights, we're given a break from our usual preoccupations. We don't have to overthink anything; we only have to witness what we are experiencing.. This experience of mystery shifts our perspective from the narrow concerns of our individual lives to a broader, more transcendent awareness. In those moments, the stresses that felt overwhelming just minutes before seem to find their proper proportion.

Slowing Down to Notice Creates Space for Wonder

The Northern Lights required us to stop. To slow down. To step outside and look up. This mirrors what children do naturally—they stop in their tracks to examine a caterpillar or watch a bird, their whole face lighting up as they shout, "Whoaaaaaaaaa!" If you look up the word whoa in the dictionary, you will see that one of its meanings is to slow down or stop, as in the command a rider gives to a horse. 

The spiritual dimension of well-being depends on our willingness to pause long enough to notice the "whoa moments" that surround us. Whether it's a celestial phenomenon or a small everyday miracle, we must be present to receive them. 

Witnessing Awe Can Bring Us Together

Perhaps the most beautiful aspect of this week's aurora display was how it became a collective experience. People texted photos to friends, gathered in groups to watch, and shared their wonder on social media. One friend even shared how joyful it was to see so many of their neighbors gathering in the street, dressed in their pajamas. 

Awe doesn't just benefit us individually—it bonds us together. When we acknowledge life's profound mysteries together, we remember our common humanity and our shared capacity for reverence.

As we return to our daily routines, the Northern Lights can continue to remind us that cultivating our capacity for awe isn't a nice extra—it's essential to our well-being. 

We can strengthen our capacity for awe by paying attention, practicing mindfulness, and choosing to notice the moments of beauty and mystery that surround us every day. The universe is constantly offering us "whoa moments." The question is: Are we willing to slow down long enough to notice them?

Making It Personal

1.Think about a recent time when you experienced profound awe—perhaps the Northern Lights, a sunset, or something that stopped you in your tracks. What did you see and feel? How did your body respond? What worries fell away in that moment?

2. Children naturally stop to marvel at small wonders. What prevents you from experiencing life this way? What would it take to create more space in your daily life to slow down and notice moments of beauty and mystery?

3. Dr. Keltner suggests that our ability to experience awe can be strengthened through practice. Looking at the week ahead, where might you intentionally create opportunities to encounter mystery and wonder? Choose one specific practice you'll commit to this week.

And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"Taking Time to Reset," Episode #164, November 7, 2025

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

  What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column. You can subscribe to the weekly column HERE.

Taking Time to Reset

Having just reset our clocks this week, we know that this simple adjustment—moving backward by a single hour—can change our entire rhythm. For some, the change was not a big deal; for others, it is still affecting their sleep schedules (or those of their kids or pets). But here's the good news: within a few days, most of us recalibrate and adapt.

This semi-annual ritual reminds us that the power of a small reset can change our perspectives. When we consciously shift our perspectives, we can transform our experience of life just as dramatically as changing our experience of the sun rising and setting.

Small Shifts Can Create Big Changes

The key is recognizing that our perspectives are a choice. When we feel stuck, we often think our external situation must change before we can feel different. But what if the "reset" we need isn't in our circumstances but in how we're looking at them? A relationship conflict might shift when we stop asking "who's wrong?" and start asking "what does this relationship need?"

We have all had the experience of negatively judging someone's behavior, and then shifting our reaction from judgment to compassion when our perspective changed with additional information about why a person is acting the way they are. 

Perspective Shapes Experience More Than Facts Do

Two people can experience the same time change and have entirely different perspectives. One embraces the earlier sunrise while the other curses the earlier sunset. Another person is irritated because they believe the government should end daylight saving time altogether. 

Our brains are meaning-making machines, constantly interpreting and narrating our lives. Two people receive the same email from their boss that offers constructive feedback. One person finds the email helpful and motivating. The other finds it demoralizing and shaming. All of our experiences are filtered through our perspective. It's been said that we don't see things as they are, but often we see them as we are. This is why checking out our perspectives with others can be helpful, rather than assuming they are always accurate and useful. 

Resistance to Resetting Keeps Us Stuck

Mindset, a popular bestselling book by Carol Dweck, outlines the crucial difference between a fixed and a growth mindset. A growth mindset is characterized by an openness to changing and resetting our views and perspectives. A fixed mindset is just what it sounds like—its motto is, "but I/we have always done it this way." Resistance to resetting our perspectives rarely serves us well, and almost always impedes growth. 

In our world today, changing one's perspective is often seen as a weakness. Nothing could be further from the truth. As we grow and mature and gain new information and experiences, it is only natural for our perspectives to shift. And even if the shift is slight, like a ship changing its bearing just a few degrees, that small change will create a larger shift over time. 

Readjusting Is an Ongoing Practice

We don't reset our clocks once in a lifetime. Similarly, perspective shifts aren't one-time events but ongoing practices. Our go-to viewpoints reassert themselves, old patterns return, and we need to consciously see if it's time to readjust again and again.

This isn't failure—it's being human. The practice is in noticing when we've drifted back into unhelpful perspectives and gently adjusting our compass. Each time we do this, we strengthen our ability to shift. We become more fluid, more resilient, more capable of meeting life's challenges with creativity, rather than rigidity. 

Making It Personal:

1. Where in your life have you been holding a fixed mindset that could benefit from greater openness to growth? What slight shift could you make this week?

2. Think of a situation where you are harshly judging a friend, family member, or colleague's behavior. Might a shift in perspective open you to softening your judgment and feeling empathy or compassion? 

3. Can you think of a time when shifting your perspective regarding how you viewed yourself, a situation, and/or another person created an opportunity for moving from being stuck to experiencing new possibilities? What can you learn from that?

And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"What the Day of the Dead Teaches Us About Emotional and Family Wellness," Episode #163, October 31, 2025

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

  What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column. You can subscribe to the weekly column HERE.

What the Day of the Dead Teaches Us About Emotional and Family Wellness

While Americans are having fun celebrating Halloween this week, other countries around the world, especially in Mexico and Latin America, will be celebrating El Día de los Muertos (The Day of the Dead). Our love for Mexico is immense, as we have traveled there many times for both fun and service projects. In honor of El Día de los Muertos, we are going to share four wellness compass points we can all learn from this centuries-old tradition, which provides guidance for living with loss and strengthening family bonds.

Grief Doesn't Have an Expiration Date

Modern culture often treats grief as something we are supposed to get over—we're expected to "move on" or find "closure" within socially acceptable timeframes. Day of the Dead rituals cultivate a very different relationship with death. By creating tables in the home filled with photos, favorite foods, and cherished objects of loved ones who have passed away, families acknowledge that love doesn't end at death. Research on grief now affirms that maintaining connections with deceased loved ones is healthy and adaptive. Setting a place at the table, cooking grandmother's recipe, or simply speaking to those we've lost isn't denial—it's integration. This tradition normalizes ongoing relationships with the dead, removing the shame many feel when grief continues to be felt long after the loss.

Collective Remembering Heals Isolation

Grief can be profoundly lonely, especially in cultures where discussing death feels taboo. Day of the Dead traditions transform mourning from private suffering into communal celebration. Families and friends gather in cemeteries, not with somber silence but with music, food, and storytelling, normalizing everyone's pain while reminding us we're not alone in it. Sharing memories, laughing through tears, and sometimes resolving conflicting stories about complicated relatives can help ease the pain, as everyone is allowed to express sadness openly.

We Can Hold Joy and Sorrow Simultaneously

Perhaps the most striking aspect of El Día de los Muertos is its refusal to make grief only somber, as the day is also a fiesta of celebration. This isn't minimizing loss but rather honoring the fullness of life, including its ending. Families laugh while remembering funny quirks of the deceased, celebrate their loves and passions, and acknowledge their humanity with both fondness and honesty. It teaches that healing doesn't mean forgetting, and remembering doesn't require constant sorrow.

Rituals Provide Structure for Difficult Emotions

Grief often feels overwhelming because it's formless. Day of the Dead traditions offer concrete actions: gathering flowers, preparing specific foods, visiting the cemetery, and arranging an altar with reminders and possessions of the loved one. These rituals create containers for big emotions, making them more manageable. Creating annual traditions around remembrance gives families something to do with their love and longing, transforming passive sadness into active honoring.

As we navigate the losses in our own lives, El Día de los Muertos reminds us that the healthiest approach to loss and death isn't avoidance but integration—weaving our loved ones into our ongoing story with both tears and laughter.

Making It Personal

1. Have you ever felt pressure to "move on" from a loss or difficult emotion before you were ready? What would it look like to give yourself permission to grieve without a timeline?

2. Think of someone you've lost who still influences your life. What are the small ways you continue to honor or maintain a connection with them? How does keeping their memory alive bring you comfort or guidance?

3. What ritual or concrete action could you create to honor someone you've lost or to process difficult emotions? This could be cooking a special meal, visiting a meaningful place, or creating a small tradition. How might having this structure help contain and express what feels overwhelming?

And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"Making the Problem the Problem, Not the Person," Episode #162, October 24, 2025

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

  What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column. You can subscribe to the weekly column HERE.

Making the Problem the Problem, Not the Person

We've all been there: a conflict starts small—maybe it's about whose turn it is to handle the dishes or a disagreement about something important you're planning together—and suddenly you're no longer discussing the actual issue. Instead, you're blaming each other for being difficult or stubborn. The conversation has shifted from the problem itself to attacking the other person. This only leads to hurt feelings and damaged relationships, with little progress on actually resolving the challenge at hand.

Here are four "compass points" to help us all work together on challenges we are facing, rather than turning against each other.

The problem is separate from the people working on it.

When we're frustrated or stressed, it's natural to want someone to blame. Our partner didn't take out the trash again, so we label them "irresponsible." Our friend is never as punctual as we are, so we label them as "uncaring" or "absent-minded." The moment we make this shift, we've stopped being companions working toward a solution and have become opponents in a battle neither of us can win.

Focusing on the problem creates constructive solutions; blaming people creates defensiveness.

When someone feels attacked, their brain goes into protection mode—they're no longer thinking about solving the issue; they're thinking about defending themselves or counterattacking.

Consider a group of volunteers planning an event for a nonprofit. Half want a large event with a big budget, while the other half want something smaller and less expensive. They can frame this two ways: "Those people are spendthrifts who don't care about our finances" versus "Those people are tightwads too afraid to take risks." Or they could say: "The problem is that we haven't yet come up with a plan that has buy-in from all of us. Let's keep talking and find a recommendation that honors what each of us values.”

Empathy helps us remember that a person's identity is separate from their thoughts and behaviors.

Well-intentioned people often disagree. That doesn't make one person "good" and the other "bad." When we remember this, everyone's dignity remains intact—no one is being labeled or attacked. This means creative problem-solving becomes possible because defensive walls come down, and relationships strengthen because you're reminded you're on the same side.

Sometimes behavior needs to be directly addressed—but still without making the person the problem.

If someone close to us has a drinking problem, for instance, we need to address that behavior directly. But we have a choice in how we approach it. Attacking them and labeling them as an alcoholic is unlikely to help. More effective would be: "We've talked many times about the impact alcohol is having on our life together, and each time it leads to a blowup. I don't like how angry we both get. How about we go together to talk to a professional to help us find a way forward?" Here, the problem is the alcohol and the conflict it creates in their life, not the person.

Making it Personal:

1. Are you stuck in a conflict cycle where you or others are attacking and defending rather than collaborating? How might you shift the focus back to the problem?

2. How does it feel when someone makes you the problem rather than addressing the issue? How might this awareness change your approach?

3. The next time conflict arises, commit to keeping the focus on the problem—not on labeling people.

And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"Our Need for Different Kinds of Rest," Episode #161, October 17, 2025

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

  What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column. You can subscribe to the weekly column HERE.

Our Need for Different Kinds of Rest

Our Wellness Compass Initiative is a holistic approach to wellness. With that in mind, we offer four "Compass Points" that speak to multiple dimensions of rest, as well as help us become aware of our inner attitudes about the role of rest in our lives.

1. Physical Rest: It's not just about enough sleep

There are numerous studies on the connection between various diseases and chronic sleep deprivation. "I'll sleep when I'm dead" takes on a new meaning when we fool ourselves into thinking we can ignore the biological basis of needing adequate sleep. Not getting enough sleep affects our mental health and our relationships, too. Irritability is just one symptom of low sleep. Beyond sleep, we will also benefit from restorative practices that nurture our physical well-being, such as walks (when possible), stretching, and yoga.  We only get one body to live in. Being sure it gets enough rest and renewal is essential to our overall well-being.  

2. Mental Rest: Reducing Cognitive Overload

Our minds process thousands of thoughts daily, and the constant demands of decision-making, problem-solving, and listening to or scrolling through the news of the day can create excessive mental fatigue.  Restorative practices for mental exhaustion can include taking a break from the news for a while, making time for meditation, spending time outdoors in nature, or listening to music. When our mind feels foggy or we struggle to concentrate, we are not being lazy—we are experiencing mental exhaustion that requires rest and renewal.

3. Emotional Rest: Permission to Be Authentic and Practice Self-Care

Two primary causes of emotional exhaustion are caregiving for others and being constantly "on" for others, where we don't feel safe expressing our true feelings; instead, we present a facade. Emotional rest can be found when we can balance caregiving with self-care, recognizing that self-care is not selfish. Rest also comes when we have safe spaces—whether it's with trusted friends or family, or perhaps a therapist — where we can drop our masks and authentically share all our emotions.  

4. Become Aware of Our Mindset Regarding the Importance of Rest 

We live in a culture obsessed with busyness, where we are more like human doings than human beings. It hasn’t always been so. Ancient cultures prioritized the importance of sabbath time. At Wellness Compass, we often discuss becoming more aware of the many compasses that guide our habits and behavior—often outside of our conscious awareness. Busyness and an over-identification with achievement and action are inner compasses that sometimes minimize or even ridicule the importance of rest. Being tired much of the time can even be seen as a badge of honor in many circles.  Therefore, it is essential that we surface our own deeper attitudes about rest and recognize that in our fast-paced world, prioritizing rest and self-care may feel counter-cultural. Making this counter-cultural choice, though, is essential to our overall well-being.  

Making it Personal:

  1. As you read points 1-3, is there an area of rest that could benefit from your attention at this time?

  2. If so, what's one thing you can do in the day or week to experience some rest in that area of wellness?

  3. Reading point 4, are you aware of any attitudes or biases you have about the importance of rest?  

And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"Transcending the Limits of Either-Or Thinking," Episode #160, October 10, 2025

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

  What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column. You can subscribe to the weekly column HERE.

Transcending the Limits of Either-Or Thinking

In our counseling practices, we often hear clients express their struggles in absolute terms. “I’m either a complete success or a total failure.” “My relationship is either perfect or it’s over.” “I’m either productive or I’m lazy.” This pattern, known as either-or thinking, can significantly impact our emotional, relational, and spiritual well-being. Here are four Wellness Compass points about this cognitive trap and how to move beyond it.

1. Either-Or Thinking Creates Unnecessary Distress

When we force ourselves, others, and situations into rigid categories, we set ourselves up for suffering. A single mistake can become evidence of complete incompetence. One disagreement with a partner can signal doom for the relationship. A rest day means we’ve lost all discipline. This binary lens intensifies anxiety and depression, creating a constant state of evaluation where we’re perpetually sorting experiences into “good” or “bad” boxes. The most significant problem with this thinking is that it creates little room for the messy, complicated middle ground where most of life actually happens.

2. Notice Absolute Language

We often talk with our clients about the importance of awareness and intention. The first step toward change is awareness. When we catch ourselves thinking in extremes, we can pause and ask: “What else might be true here?” A disappointing work presentation doesn’t make us incompetent; it makes us someone who had an off day and is still learning. We can be frustrated with someone we love, and still love them deeply. We can allow ourselves to remain open to learning about a key issue, and not view it as a weakness if we change our minds as we gain more knowledge and experience. 

3. Recognize That Growth Happens in the Gray Zone

Chances are that we have all experienced a time when we made a change or decision and later changed our mind. If we are locked into either-or thinking, we might lose the flexibility to change our minds or admit that we were wrong. The “gray zone” is the space between polar opposites. The gray zone is often where we remain open to learning and growing, where we are neither wholly lost nor fully arrived. This is actually where the most meaningful growth occurs. Accepting this reality helps us remain patient and curious, rather than judgmental, during the learning process.

4. Embrace Paradox and “Both-And” Awareness

Life is full of contradictions, and holding multiple truths simultaneously is a sign of psychological maturity, not weakness. You can feel grateful for what you have while still wanting things to improve. You can be both anxious and hopeful, tired and committed, imperfect and amazing, confused and clear, vulnerable and strong. The goal is, of course, not to eliminate all either-or thinking but to recognize when that kind of thinking is limiting us. By expanding our perspective to include the vast spectrum between extremes, we create space for self-compassion, new insights, resilience, and a more authentic relationship with ourselves and others.

 Questions for Making it Personal

1. Can you identify a recent time when you were caught up in either-or thinking that was limiting for you or your relationship with someone?

2. If you affirmatively answered question one, what steps can you take to soften that either-or thinking? What might you replace it with?

3. How comfortable are you with the concept of being in the gray zone—the place where you are still learning and growing? Are you willing to acknowledge when you don’t know something or when you were wrong about something?

And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"Four Quotes to Inspire Us From Dr. Jane Goodall," Episode #159, October 3, 2025

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

  What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column.

A Few Things We Can Learn From Dr. Jane Goodall

Each of our four Wellness Compass Points this week is a quote from scientist Dr. Jane Goodall, who passed away this week at the age of ninety-one. She will be remembered for many things, but probably most often for the way her scientific curiosity and her work with chimpanzees in the forests of Gombe remind us of the interconnectedness of all life. As therapists who think and practice systemically, we are especially grateful for her teachings about how all of life is an interconnected web and that every action we take in the world has a profound impact on all beings. 

1. “The greatest danger to our future is apathy.”

“Am I really making a positive difference in the world?” is a question that any of us may ask ourselves from time to time. There is a lot that needs our attention in our personal and collective lives, and it is easy to feel overwhelmed. The opposite of apathy is hope—not naive optimism, but a disciplined choice to keep showing up as a force for good in the world. 

2. “Lasting change is a series of compromises. And compromise is all right, as long as your values don’t change.”

Too often, compromise is viewed as a sign of weakness.  Remembering that we are all interconnected with all other living organisms helps us realize that compromise is always necessary to achieve the greater good. There is almost always more that unites than divides us. Note that her quote does not ask us to compromise our core values, but to hold true to them with kindness, humility, and respect. None of us possesses all the wisdom. 

3. “What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.”

During the pandemic, we wrote about how the question wasn’t Are we contagious?” but rather “What are we contagious with?” Our emotional and spiritual energy is always contagious to those we interact with—either positively or negatively. We all make a difference —the question is, “What kind of difference do we want to make in the world?”.

4. “You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference.”

Here, Dr. Goodall reminds us always to be aware of the impact our actions and words have on ourselves and those around us. This quote brings to mind two quotes from our Wellness Compass Initiative: “The grass is greener where you water it,” and “Whatever we pay attention to, is what will grow.”

Three Questions for Making It Personal

1. Does one of these quotes particularly speak to you? If so, why, and what might you do to put the wisdom of that quote into action?

2. Do you struggle with apathy? If so, what’s one thing you can do to help you recover a sense of hope? 

3. Is there a situation in your life right now where an openness to compromise might serve the greater good?

And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"Wellness Wisdom for Everyone from the Twelve Steps: Celebrating Recovery Month," Episode #158, September 26, 2025

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

  What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column.

In recognition of September being National Recovery Month, we are pleased to share four Wellness Compass Points that offer wellness wisdom for everyone, drawing on the traditions of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-Step recovery groups.

Wellness Wisdom for Everyone from the Twelve Steps: Celebrating Recovery Month

Four Wellness Compass Points & Three Questions

1. Whether dealing with addiction, excessive worrying, perfectionism, or any self-limiting set of behaviors, the wisdom of the Twelve Steps teaches us that some challenges cannot be solved alone. Actually, the first step towards making change is acknowledging our need for help from others and from our spirituality. 

2. The practice of daily self-reflection and honest accountability, central to the Steps, can transform any area of life by helping us recognize harmful patterns, before they spiral, and then to celebrate progress as it happens.

3. Making direct amends for our mistakes reminds us that true healing comes through changed actions and the rebuilding of trust, not just good intentions or words.

4. The principle of service to others who face similar struggles (Step #12) reveals a fundamental truth about human nature – that we often find our deepest sense of purpose and most successful recovery when we focus on lifting up those who are facing similar challenges.

3 Questions to Make This Personal

If you or someone you know is in recovery, what broader life lessons have you learned form them or have they modeled for you?

Is there a change you want to make that would benefit from the  support of others?

If so, how will you find this support?

And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

"Emotional Flooding: Four Compass Points, Three Questions," Episode #157, September 19, 2025

(Click on the player at the top to listen to this ten-minute episode)

  What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column.

Emotional Flooding:

Four Wellness Compass Points

and Three Questions

Psychologist and author John Gottman describes emotional flooding as “a sensation of feeling psychologically and physically overwhelmed during conflict, making it virtually impossible to have a productive, problem-solving discussion.”

Here are Four Compass Points to help guide us when this happens.

1. Everyone gets emotionally flooded from time to time, so it's essential to recognize the warning signs when this is happening to us. Pay attention to physical cues like rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, muscle tension, or feeling hot. Notice emotional signs like racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, or the urge to react, retaliate, or get even. When you catch these early signals, you can intervene before reaching full emotional overwhelm. Remember that emotional flooding is a natural response to powerful feelings, stress, or trauma—it's not a sign of weakness.

2. Hit the pause button. While we can't always control when our emotions take over, we do have the choice to pause rather than react. When we feel intensity building, we can stop and slow down. We don't have to immediately say what we are thinking or feeling—or send that email, or create that social media post. We can pause by taking a walk, sleeping on it, talking with others, or spending time doing whatever helps us to calm down. 

3. Take responsibility for yourself, rather than blaming others. A classic response of a young child when they have done something they regret is, "but they did it first!" Let's be more mature than that. If someone throws a lit match at us, we are responsible for any gasoline inside of us that leads to an explosion. While someone else may have done something that triggers our emotional flooding, we are responsible for how we handle ourselves at that moment.

4. Saying, "I'm sorry," can be an expression of strength. Impulsive reactions while we are flooded do not come from a place of strength, and yet they happen. Apologizing and making amends when we have said or done things we regret is a sign of strength and a commitment to our ongoing emotional growth.

Making This Personal: 3 Questions

Just as a compass helps us to check our bearings and see if we are on the course we intend, these questions invite us to make these thoughts about emotional flooding personal for each of us. 

1. Have you recently experienced emotional flooding? 

2. If so, how satisfied are you with how you handled it? 

3. Is there anything you learned from your recent experience, or from these four Compass Points, that you want to put into practice going forward? 

And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes.  We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

Sign up for Your Weekly Wellness Compass to receive weekly an email each week that announces when a new podcast episode has been released and also includes a transcription of the episode for those who prefer to read instead of listen. Each episode is designed to help you for navigate your week ahead with clear attention and intention.

Sign Up Here to Get Notice of New Episodes

ABOUT THE CREATORS:

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT,  are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.

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