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Episode summary
Honoring Those Whose Service We Benefit From Today
Wellness Compass Podcast · Season 4: How’s the Family? · Holly Hughes Stoner and Scott Stoner
This week was Veterans Day, so Holly and Scott, both marriage and family therapists, talk about how military service is never one person’s experience. It’s a family experience. Scott shares the story of his father, who served on the front lines at Utah Beach on D-Day. Holly shares how her grandparents stepped in and raised her and her brothers for several years while her mother was being treated for breast cancer. From there they widen the conversation to everyone whose sacrifices shaped our families, in uniform or not, and to how we can honor them, learn their stories, and pass those stories on.
In this episode:
Why June 6th and November 11th were “high holy days” in Scott’s childhood home
What it was like to grow up with a father who came home from war and, like many veterans, didn’t talk about it, and the toll that took on him and on the family
How one person’s service ripples through a whole family: a widowed mother sending her 18-year-old son to war, and a younger brother who wished he could serve too
Holly’s grandparents, who gave years of their lives to care for her family during her mother’s illness
Why the “rugged individual” story leaves something out: all of us stand on other people’s shoulders
Love as a decision and an action, not just a feeling
The many forms family sacrifice takes: immigrating, moving for work, leaving the family farm, escaping discrimination
Recording Scott’s father telling D-Day stories to their young children on the 50th anniversary, and what those stories mean to them now as adults
Holding both: a parent can carry wounds from war and be a great dad
Try this week:
Ask for the stories while you still can. Why did the family move? What happened when the business was lost? How did you manage?
Be a good listener. Keep asking for details, and be patient. Stories often come a little at a time.
Pass the stories on to the next generation, including your chosen family.
Practice gratitude. With Thanksgiving coming, thank the people you can, and be grateful in your heart for those you can’t.
Something to think about:
In 20 or 30 years, we’ll be the ones the next generation talks about. What do we want them to be saying? What we do now shapes the stories they’ll tell about us later.
This week’s question: How’s the family? Who are the people whose service you want to remember and honor?
We’d love to hear from you. We answer every email.
Scott: scott@wellnesscompass.org
Holly: holly@wellnesscompass.org
Both of us: connect@wellnesscompass.org
Until we gather again, may you be happy, may you be safe, may you be at peace, and may you take time to honor those whose service you benefit from today.
Connect with us
We’d love to hear from you, whether it’s a challenge you’re facing around change in your family or a reflection on this episode. You can reach us at connect@wellnesscompass.org, or individually at holly@wellnesscompass.org and scott@wellnesscompass.org.
The Wellness Compass Podcast releases a new episode every other week.
.About the Hosts
Holly and Scott Stoner are marriage and family therapists who have been married 49 years and have three adult children, two grandchildren, and three in-laws. Together they co-host the Wellness Compass Podcast, drawing on decades of clinical experience working with families of every configuration.
Connect With Us
Have a family story, question, or challenge you'd like Holly and Scott to address on the podcast? Send it in — anonymity and identifying details are always protected.
Holly: holly@wellnesscompass.org
Scott: scott@wellnesscompass.org
This podcast and its companion column release every other week. Next episode in two weeks — same question: How's the family?
Connect with Holly and Scott
📧 Holly: holly@wellnesscompass.org
📧 Scott: scott@wellnesscompass.org
📧 Podcast & column: connect@wellnesscompass.org
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There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org
